Let's Gooo Fly a Kite... Up to the Highest Height...

So this has been a crazy ride. These past two weeks I've been thrown more stuff to deal with. Won't talk about it here, too public, but prayer would be appreciated. Trying to figure stuff out and do what is best for me. Not ever sure what that is..

On a happy note (because I started off with a sad note- sorry!), I've been learning lots of new stuff lately. Working with art, learning more about God, and most of all learning what I actually like and don't like. For the longest time I think I've forgotten who I am and what I like. I feel like Julia Roberts when she plays Maggie in 'Runaway Bride'. Every guy she is with, she just adapts to what his interests are... and how he likes his eggs cooked. She'd never made up her mind what she actually liked, because she always let others make decisions for her. I've been doing that for the past 6 ish months or so I'd say, and I've been too stressed to do what would make me happy. I worry too much about what others think and how I can please them. Balance needs to be achieved. Here are some things I've decided I like and don't like:

1. I don't like... Mean sarcasm- you know, the kind that after they say it, they always say "ohh that was just a joke! You know I'm kidding..." when secretly you know they probably had truth behind it. I always thought I liked it, but I am actually not too fond of it. I'm tired of it I guess..

2. I don't like... Computers. I actually don't like working with computers. I've always had the idea that I did, but looking back on how unhappy I have been in school these past two years (after I've already gotten my degree...), I realize that I don't like them. I'm not good at it. Why'd I do tihs? Well, I know why, but let's not go there...

3. I love... horses- and I let a guy steer me away from them and talk me out of spending quality time with them so I would spend time on him instead. Wrong decision on my part to agree to that. Stress can lead a person to do things they wouldn't normally do I guess.

4. I like... myself. I actually like spending time with just myself. I like going up to the lookout, with my bible, and just hanging out with myself and God. I had forgotten that part of me.

5. I'm ok with... the way I look finally. I'm excited about loosing weight to I can be healthy. I like being healthy. It makes me feel good. I like running (slow), I like bike riding (not too far), and I like working out (not for more than an hour ;). I like tanning. I even like my stomach shrinking so I can get that belly ring I've been wanting for months now (:D) I know that is weird, but face it and embrace it: I'm weird.

6. I don't like... gossip. Being made felt to be invisible. Being hated. Finding out who my true friends are lately, and it sucks to see people keep being mean when you've done nothing wrong to them :(

7. I don't like... confrontation. At all. I have learned that I am truly a peacemaker at heart, and when I try and make peace with people who don't want to make peace with me, it hurts my heart more than anything I've ever felt before. I have never felt such excruciating pain.

8. I love... taking care of things and being a nurturing person. I love watching things grow, I love teaching people and animals how to do something, and I love puppies. I miss dogs, I miss having a dog, and I want one. Now. Praying that God would either quench my puppy craving with someone else getting one that I can play with all the time or me myself getting one.

9. I love... caring. I love it when I invest in someone's life, and they return the favor and care about me as well. It's never been mandatory for me, I love pouring into people anyways, but when someone takes the time out of their schedule and life to invest in mine, it makes my heart smile. I'm blessed that I have people that do that for me and really love me.

10. I love... laughter. Over the past few months, I'd lost it. I don't know where it went. I guess when you get seriously sad about life in general, the laughing normally goes away too. I'd lost that part of myself, and now it's returning.

I think I'll stop at my favorite number ten. OH, btw, my favorite way to have my eggs cooked you might ask? Scrambled.... Definiltey scrambled.


-B

SO STINKIN BLESSED!

So.... I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks!!!

WOOOHOOOO

Um. I'm excited. I'm stoked. My waist is smaller. My skinny jeans are on the verge of fitting. Life is GOOD!

So, on that wonderfully happy note, let's talk about what GOD is doing in my life lately. Because I know you wanna read about that ;)

1. The JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH!!
I never realized how much this phrase has meant to me until this trial in my life. It seriously puts things in perspective. If I have the Joy of the Lord, that's all the strength I need! I Know he is going to get me through whatever I am going through, because He promises to do so!

2. Healing is in HIS hands!
Healing is coming like it has never been seen in my life before. On so many different levels. I won't post for the whole world to see, but I am being healed. I was prayed over, I was spoken over, it is crazy the things that have been happening in my life. I've never felt so good physically, which is such a blessing and an answered prayer. I am able to not be afraid when people touch me anymore. Such a God thing!

3. He makes Beauty out of Ashes!
This was spoken over me by my aunt, it is such a cool story, and it gave me goosebumps and made me bawl when she told me. So, the night before I left for my mission trip to Haiti, I broke up with my boyfriend. We were pretty serious, atleast I thought we were and he said we were, but God was telling me to end it because of things he was doing in our relationship that were not healthy or biblical to me. Well, that night after I had broken up with him, I was devastated. I don't think I've cried like that since I tore my ACL (in my knee). My physical and emotional pain were parallel, I could not tell one from the other. My heart was literally broke. At 4AM that night, I remember what I was doing. I was in and out of sleep, and I had just woken up and started crying again. I was questioning going to Haiti, and the devil was attacking me really hard. My Aunt told me after I had gotten back from Haiti that the same night at exactly 4 am God woke her up and said "Start praying for Briana". So, she prayed and prayed, fighting for me spiritually, and I thought that was just the coolest most amazing thing that God has ever done for me. Who knew, that in my lowest and weakest moment, that God was watching out for me and knew that I needed someone interceeding in prayer for me?? And then later, when I was back from Haiti having another terrible week because I did not want to be back in the states to face my screwed up life, that He put that in my life to encourage me and let me know that HE is still in control and loves me so much. It has strenthened and deepend my faith. I am so thankful. After she told me that, she also said that He gave her something to tell me, "God is going to make Beauty out of the Ashes of your life- He knows what He is doing, and He is going to make your life beautiful with these ashes you were handed to begin with".... it made me bawl. So awesome. And I got to looking, and there is a bible verse that has that in it as well-

Isaiah 61:3
"³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

So awesome!!!! I just am so amazed and humbled lately at what God is doing in our lives.


4. Forgiveness is mandatory, not optional, in every situation!
So, I'll be honest: my biggest sin in life is not giving forgiveness. I've struggled with it all my life, ever since my parents got divorced, all the way up until now when I found out that my father was not my biological father and that there was a whole new family that wanted to know me. In the bible, it says that those who do not forgive won't be forgiven by God. That's a pretty heavy statement. I never realized how big forgiveness was to God until this year. But it makes total sense. How can we, total sinners, be good enough to not forgive people when God sent his ONLY son, Jesus, to die and come back to life for all of our terrible sins?? I am a sinner. So how can I not forgive someone when I am just as bad as them in the long run? So that's another huge lesson lately, just forgive and move on- but learn from yours and others mistakes and make the best of the situations you are in and have been dealt- because they are for a reason and can be for Glorifying God when we let them and make ourselves available and interruptable for the gospels sake. That leads me to my next lesson of the year....

5. BE INTERUPPTABLE!
In the New Testament, Jesus was interupted most of the time that he was trying to go someplace or heal someone. He was always interrupted! He actually got frustrated a couple of times it seems like, but he would always make time for the people who were inturrupting them. How many times out of our day do we say "Oh... I so would, but I've got to do this! ". For example, after bible study, I am always in a hurry to get out of there because it's late. I can't believe I am telling you this, but honestly, there have been times where I have avoided conversations that could have led into ones that were God honoring and placed there by God because I was too much in a hurry and wanted to be on "my time". How many times during the day do we miss opportunities because we are not "interruptable"? I've been really trying to slow down, look around at the lost people, and pay attention to the 'gospel starving' people around that would love a good Jesus conversation, or just need to be plain loved on. I challenge you to do the same. It's really cool the people you get to talk to and how much joy it gives you by doing and being available to God 24/7 and not just when it's 'convenient' for me.

Ok, that's it for now, but I am so glad I wrote all that down!! I have a really bad memory lately because of the stress I am under, so writing it down and just getting it out helps me process and remember. I hope if you read this that you are challenged as well and are encouraged! Because we do serve a God who cares... all the way from the small and mundane things of our lives up to the huge and life changing thigns going on as well.

Love you guys,
Briana

Life changes

Life has been so all over the place lately. I just don't even know where to start to catch you up..

School:
God blessed me so stinkin' much this semester... I had the worst semester of my life in my "real life", so my school was definitely affected. I thought for awhile that I was going to drop out, but my mom said I really should just tough it out: and if I failed, then atleast I had a good excuse.
But, that's the amazing thing about our Lord. When we are weak, He is strong. He is made great in our weaknesses, and loves to be glorified. This situation is definitely one that glorified Him in every area of my life.
He gave me all A's and one C. If you knew exactly how bad I was failing during midterm, you would understand how big of a deal this is. I had all D's and one A. All of these classes were upper level graduating classes, and he provided. The class that I got the C in at finals, I had a 68.5 in the class. I have no earthly idea why the teacher would round that grade up. I know it was a total and utter God thing. I wasn't going to get to graduate this semester with my associates if I had gotten a D. Praise God for that! It was super encouraging to see those final grades while I was lying under my mosquito net in Leogane, Haiti. My squeals could probably be heard all over the compound.

Relationships:
Not sure on how to start this section either. It's been a rough semester relationally too. I won't go into detail, but I really learned about peoples character, and what I really need in my life right now. I learned that I let people do what they want with me and settle just because I love people so much and want to please people. I didn't care about myself, I cared more about others to an extent that really drained me and left me blindsided. When I did try to stick up for myself, I ended up being really hurt because they didn't care about what I needed in life right then with all my circumstances going on and could care less because they had selfish motives. That is one thing I've really learned about people: it's all about number one, even within Christians, that selfish mindset is ever so present. Haiti really changed my whole mind set on this issue... But we will discuss that more in detail later.

Family:
I gained so much new family this semester. I am so blessed, and even though my emotions have been on a loop-d-loop rollercoster, I realize now that I am so blessed. Who else can say they have 5 full fledged families that love them? It's crazy, but I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened and that in due time it will all be processed in my mind and make sense. Please pray that I will have peace about the decisions I am going to have to be making soon about things in this area.

Horses:
Horses have been on the backburner unfortunately. Still have all 4, but they are spread out. Naz is at grandpa allens, Darcy is in Fayetteville at a prospective buyers, and psyche and clusie are at home. My direction right now with them is to bring Darcy home, get him going again, sell him. Then get naz back on track with his back problems so kids can start riding him. Psyche, our love, just to get him back in shape so we can train for dressage, western pleasure, and barrels. I really want to try barrels with him, I really think he would have fun with it with his spiritedness. Maybe try Darcy out with them too. D is 16.2hh, and he has really good ground cover. We'll see... I really miss horses and am sad that all of this has kept me from them this semester. But God has given me a huge gift of a few of my new family members loving horses, so when I found that out it was just another reassurance that God is all up in this situation :)

Conclusion: this semester had been the roughest time of my life, but when God gives you trials and tough times, he is the strength you need :) he wants to be glorified, and if you do that, it will give you the joy that will be a bright spot in your darkest times. Love you all, I'll post later about Haiti trip.

-Bri

I am trying to update my blog background, but blogger is being mean to me.. so for now, blank background. Boo.

So I've been busy since I last blogged with life. Lots has been going on. Finished this semester out with:

Data Modeling: A

Total Fit: A

Golf: A

Intro Programming: B (yaay! PTL)

Net Client Support: B

Biology: C

So overall, I am happy. God has blessed me with great grades, and I was so nervous there for awhile.

I am going to start my internship @ AOG on Monday. That should be interesting.

Ok, just wanted to update a tad on here, now I am going to get off.

Oh, also, Darcy is going to a new home on June 5th. Bittersweet.

-Bri

Rise up to the Occasion that is Your LIFE

So I just had a sappy moment. A humbling moment.

Well, a few actually.

I just watched "500 Days of Summer". I don't know how that movie triggered so many emotions in me. It did trigger quite a few though; loneliness, dissapointment, abandonment, forgetfulness, love, the opposite of peace, what it is like without God,

that last one really got me choked up.

Until you think about life without God, things seem so normal. Then it hits you; wow, God really did not have to be available to us. He could have abandoned us, left us, dissapointed us, forgotten about us. But he is God. He loves us so much. It gave me so much hope, but then again gave me a burden and sadness because of all the people that I know personally and not personally that do not know about His love and what God and the Bible is really about.

I've been dwelling in the past. Tonight, today rather, has awoken a new life. I am ready to go forth and make disciples, to go forth and share the hope that is our God. Ready to rise up to the occasion of this Life that he has given to me, with mercy grace and love.

My prayer today is that God will give me the strength, courage, will, hope, determination to go and make disciples and to tell people about Him. That he would continually provide for this Canada mission trip. That he would work out the kinks in the trip, that we would be a blessing to the Hilton family. I pray that He would show me, guide me, in the direction that He would have me go in life. I know my main purpose, but I do not know what avenue He would like me to go and fulfill that purpose in. Thanks Lord, for all that you are, and thank you for continually amazing me. I love you.

Ever been in a freakishly sad mood?

That's what I have been going through today. Lots of stuff on my mind and I wish I could just get happy. That is hard to do when a heart has been stomped on. Got some text messages today that rocked my world in a bad way. Nothing is ever as it seems, no one is authentic as they try to be, and best friends are NOT 'till the very end'.

Ok, don't read this post if you are not in the mood for me ranting about people. It's not going to be a happy post, I'll warn you that up front.

Actually, I am just too sad to write anything right now. Two heartbreaks in one year is too much for my fragile heart to take. I'm done. I'm out of here, and done with the people that perpetually keep hurting me, intentionally or not, I can't take it anymore. I have lost all of my best friends except 2, one is in Texas and doesn't want to talk on the phone for more than a minute with me because he is too busy with his life and we have lost touch (that's fine, that happens in life, it's just sad), and my other one works 24/7 and we just don't have schedules that match up. So I am friendless (especially after today), jobless (applying at some places though), and soon to be homeless. This is great. Praying for the Lord to show me what the heck to do.

Ok, I'm done.

Mucho Amore,

Bri

What do you do when you are sick?

What do you do when you are sick?

Well, I clean tack.

I just habitually started cleaning today after tossing my cookies for 5 hours straight, and I found that funny. Not funny enough to laugh about, because my esophagus is dead, but funny enough to write on here about.

Today was crappy. I woke up at 5 am. and started throwing up. I was dizzy, fell down a couple of times, but at least I didn't throw up anywhere but the proper throwing up place. At least I didn't have to work today.

Last night was amazing. Went to a house party with some friends for the hogs game. Taylor G., Caleb B., Danny, and Chris were there with me. Oh, and Joel too. Joel makes me happy :) Well, so do the others, but Joel goes to Arkansas Tech, so when he comes home and graces us with his presence, it is a treat.

The hogs lost though... it was funny watching Taylor and Caleb freak out. I think Caleb cried. Joel Chris and I were laughing. They were because they are OU fans, and I was because I don't know anything about football, and I found it funny that they were so distraught over it. Sports fans crack me up. I want to work at Varsity Grill so that I can be around crazy sports fans all the time.

I am feeling better after writing this. Next Monday school starts, aka HELL starts. I am possibly changing my major, and I am really scared about that. Information Technology has been good to me, I've gotten A's in every course in the department, but I don't know if it is what I am supposed to be doing. In theory it sounds great, but I don't know if my heart is in it like my heart is in English. I love writing, I love grammar (I know you probably can't tell by my atrocious grammar on this blog), but I love showing people and explaining to people why something is grammatically incorrect or a sentence structure needs work. It's fun. I love researching, I love writing papers, I am a total English nerd. Heck, I've even written almost a full fictional (mostly fictional ;)) book. The only problem with it is I don't know if I will be able to make a living with it. Or get a job with it. So I am at a loss as to what to do.

Tell me what to do? ok thanks..

-Briana

It's a New Year... Time for a New me

So I brought in the New Year in a place I would rather not have brought in the New Year at.

But let's not talk about that.

It was a good experience, but now I know why I do not live that lifestyle of going out and partying and getting drunk. It's just not my scene, and I don't see how anyone would want to do that.

Smoking; also another pet peeve of mine. I get why people smoke, but I do not want to be around smokers to that extent anymore. I smelt like smoke for 2 days afterwards by just being in the presence of heavy smokers, even with showering two times. It is simply disgusting, and my throat hurt from it the next day.

Ok, done ranting.

We had a fabulous time other than that though! Before the festivities began in Fort Worth, we went out to eat at Razoo's restaurant in downtown. Best food I've had in a long time. I got the "tricky fishy" which was grilled and blackened tillapia with grilled crawfish on top, with a cajun rue over all of it with cajun green beans. Wonderful.

Trev got chicken strips. Kinda cracked me up that he got that at a great cajun place. He also got a Hurricane Hell Margarita, and that looked amazingly yummy. Almost ordered a virgin one, but I am too cheap. When Trev was not at our table, we told the waiter it was his birthday, and he brought him out a free cheesecake. I love free food! This was the 'weekend of free food' for me- God really blesses me with that lately haha. We got that free desert there, then at Rosa's Cafe I got an extra meal free because they gave mine to Trevor (which he gave me back- so two meals for the price of one!), then at Romas I got my meal free because she mixed up my order and brought me out the wrong thing- so I got two meals for free! Then at Longhorn steakhouse the other day, there was a hair in my chicken and I was pulling it out as the waitress walked by, and she took that one, cooked me another one and didn't charge me for anything. Thank's Lord!

Trevor got sick the last day we were there though. We were watching a movie (The Other Guys) and he just started puking. He puked after that from 12 at night until the next morning around 10. Poor guy. I cleaned up the puke for him though, and put new sheets on the bed for him, ran a bath for him (haha), and got him whatever he wanted. Basically waited on him hand and foot. I think he enjoyed that a little too much. He started asking for outrageous stuff at the end there, like a butt massage. I declined that offer. Haha oh how I love Trevor.

Right now I just got done filling out forms and paying bills. I hate paying bills. Not fun. But, my parents did sell my car!!! To my philosophy teacher. Kinda funny. One less thing to worry about money wise though.

Psyche will be officially in my name by next week. I am sending off the paperwork and the fees (ick, I hate all the fees. I ended up having to pay 55 dollars). I will be glad when all of this is taken care of and he will be in my name for this show season! Yay!

Taking Nazwan to get chiropractic work done tomorrow. That will be fun to watch. He has been moody lately when it comes to his back being touched, so it's time for chiro. $$$ for that, but it's worth it. He is worth it, him being a happy horse = me being a happy owner.

The horse dentist is coming out Thursday. I'll be excited to get that done too- one more thing off the list.

Ok, I'm going to bed. Hopefully I am not getting sick, I tossed my cookies a little earlier but now I am feeling ok. Hoping I am not getting what Trev had.

Love,

Bri

I just want someone that's afraid to lose me

....

that is all.





-Bri

Christmas Time is Here

Today has been a surprisingly good day.

My dad and his family left me this weekend, so I have been with other family.

It's been good, but also sad at the same time because I did not get to have my usual Christmas.

The Loot I got for Christmas:

I got... a ring! It's amazing, I'll post a pic of it later.

A bible with my name engraved on it- my first ever 'study ' bible. Favorite gift of the day.

Earings, diamond studs- they are gorgeous

Pajamas, they are awesome. I got 2 pairs of zebra, one camo, and one plaid tommy hillfigure.

Lots of underwear. My family is so weird. I love the ones they picked out though, haha, they have good taste :P

Money- for my mission trip (which is awesome!)

Laptop case for my mammoth laptop

Truffles! I am going to get so fat off of those..

Secrets by Robin Jones Gunn- a favorite series of mine.

Socks! I love socks!

A car travel kit- with everything and anything I'll ever need in it.

Lots of good horse stuff

Silver Dollar City Season passes!!! YAY!!!

A cute hat and gloves set from Dillards- taking them back though because I want a different color

A bible case- taking that back too though, I didn't like the pattern very much.

Next week will be a semi slow week- I am working at a farm nearby, and then next weekend I am going to Fort Worth to spend some much needed time with Trevor. I miss him so much, it really sucks when your best friend lives 8 hours away. It's his birthday this next weekend also (Jan. 2) and he's turning 22, so we are going to party it up in Fort Worth New Years style with him and his cousins and some of his buddies :)

Chris' Birthday is also Jan 2 (weird that both of my best friends b-days are the same day- it is also the day that I tore my ACL which was a huge part of my life). I wish he could come to Fort Worth with me, but he is doing a family Christmas thing on New Years. :(

Ok, well, I guess I'll go to bed- I tried to sleep earlier but I couldn't. I'll try again I guess.

Love,

Bri

Question Time!

It's time to play the question game!

1. How does one "get over" somebody?

I've always wondered methodologies on this, so please, somebody enlighten me on this subject.

2. What age gap between a couple is 'appropriate' by societies standards?

3. Why is that age gap there? Why is it not socially acceptable to be with someone who does not fit that criterion?

4. Where in the bible does it back that age gap/society standard up? (I'll answer this one for myself- it does NOT say anything against it in the Bible, so why is it such a big issue for people?!?)

Because I for one am confused on this subject. I would like some answers. Not for any reason, but it has come up in conversation lately and social norms confuse me on why they are right and wrong. That probably doesn't even make any sense to most readers.

Anyways, my day has been not good.

1. I lost my phone. (For good it feels like- I can not find it and I have strip searched my house/barn/cars)

2. I have been having really really bad dreams lately. One's that you don't want to hear about that will haunt me for the rest of my life unless God steps in and does something about it. I think I am going insane.

3. My two best friends are gone this week. Not good when I am going mentally insane and I need them super bad right now.

4. This weekend is Christmas- and that all in itself is thoroughly screwed up. My family is leaving me. Don't ask.

5. This break from school has been more stressful than not. Why does the devil always do this to me?!?!?!?

6. I want to cry.

7. Ok, I think I will go cry. It always helps.

-Bri

My New Dream

I Had a Dream

Once I used to go on long rides in the woods

I would talk to God and ask him who I was supposed to be.

I loved to laugh, cry, and play

Lived life as full as I knew how

Gave it all I had.

I dreamed a dream, I wished upon many stars,

I prayed to God that He would make it all come true.

But suddenly I grew up

I had no choice but to put up my bluff

Put on a brave face and played it strong.

Inside, I was dying

Along with all my life.

I still laughed, cried, and played

But now it was all a game

Nothing was real, it was just shame.

Then God came.

He was and is, and is to come.

He showed me that all was not lost.

Even though I'd been misused and abused,

I was still alive and would not be abused by my God who loved me so.

He would never give up on me.

Never mistreat me.

Would give me strength no matter what.

Even though my dream was lost,

He gave me a new dream that was better than I had ever dreamt.

I now stand proud for my God who gave me life,

He showed me how to live,

How to dream,

How to be who He wants me to be.

Life is not about me.

Neither is my new dream.

The end.

Baby You're a Firework

Come on let your colors burst

Addicted to that song.

Right now watchin ' Survivor finale.

Spent the weekend in Bentonville with Sydney and we had a good time. Needed a break from Fort Smith.. So tired of this small town.

Went Ice Skating in Fayetteville and had a blast. Ate at Mimi's Cafe (my favorite restaurant) and it was de-lish.

Sitting here facebooking and just chilling. Church was good tonight, we had our Christmas special and then we had fellowship meal afterwards.

Ate at an 'Indian Buffet" today and it was disgusting. I have finally found a food that I hate. It is Indian food. Bleh.. The rice pudding almost made me sick. Sorry if you like Indian food, but you can have my share.

Ok, just thought I'd do a quick post. I'm not feeling to great right now, been kinda depressed since I got home. Fort Smith depresses me. I am thinking about moving somewhere, I don't know just where yet though. My friend Sydney is moving to Portugal, I want to move with her. haha.

Ok, see ya.

-Bri

It's not all hunky dory..

Tonight was fun.

Up until we went to Waffle House at midnight. Never again will I go to the one on 71 late at night.

What happened: We were sitting in a booth, me and Chris on one side, Taylor and Mason on the other side, and Caleb pulled up a chair to the booth. We had eaten and were just sitting around talking when these high/drunk/whatever 2 guys came in. There was also a lady with them, but she was not drunk. One guy was younger, I'd say about 27, and the other guy was about 45-50 (really tall and scary looking). They kept cursing and carrying on about only God knows what, and then the scary guy stands up and goes to the bathroom. As he is coming back, he passes Caleb and says "Punk" under his breath.. Caleb didn't hear him though, so he turned around and said "What?" (not in a rude way though). The guy comes up to Caleb and starts saying "I'm going to f-ing slit your throat, you bleepity bleep". He then grabbed Caleb's neck and starts shoving him out of his chair. He let go, and then he leans across me, to Mason, and tries to head but him. Mason just stayed cool, and we were all calm, but he kept saying stuff about slitting their throats and calling them names and asking if we had a problem with him. Then he really got angry, said "I don't like you, you f-ing whatever", and wanted to fight. The lady stepped in and told him to get his a** to the car, and she kept apologizing saying that he usually doesn't get this drunk. He kept trying to come back, and then these nice (but scary also) looking guys came up and pushed him back. He shoved him to the floor, knocking the lady, the other young guy, and the guy who was trying to help us down to the floor. They eventually paid and then left.

I don't know why this has affected me so much tonight. It made me shake and cry. All I could think was "He has a gun, or a knife, and he's going to pull it any second now and take out some pent up drunk anger on us". I was mostly afraid for Mason and Caleb, for some reason he didn't want to have an issue with Chris (thank goodness). It just reminded me how scary people can be when satan gets a hold of them through liquor- or any medium really- to mess with them and others. Evil exists. It's a scary thing. I am glad that I have God on my side and that he will take care of me no matter what- even if I do die. If I die, that would actually be the best thing that could happen to me. Like Paul said, "To live is Christ, to die is gain". Meaning, to live we get to live out Christ, but if we die we get to go to heaven and be with God- which is the ultimate reward.

It also made me very thankful for my parents. My mom has always been super cautious with me. This situation made me realize that maybe she is right- anything can happen, you never know, and we need to take as many precautions as we can.

Thank's God for saving us and protecting us tonight. Thanks for friends who would have protected me and Taylor if anything would have happened. (at least they said that after the fact that they would have- I don't know if those scardey cat boys would have done anything or not haha).

Just got a phone call. Chris is one of the sweetest guys ever. He called to make sure I was ok, and told me to watch Pride and Prejudice to get my mind off of it so I won't have nightmares... sigh. I am blessed with scardy cat awesome guy friends who take care of me- that's nice when I don't have anyone who really fits that job description right now. Even family.. ok we won't get into that here, this is public haha. Even though no one reads this thing. Ok, I'm really leaving this time.

Love,

Bri

Today...

I am sick.

Still sick. Still sleep deprived.

BUT

I had a fabulous time last night :)

And I am fixin' (yes, I am from Arkansas so I can say fixin) to go bowling with Chris!

Don't tell him, but I am going to kick his butt. Last time we went he did awesome though, he got 200 (gag) so I have a tough record to beat.

Last night was so fun though. The bible study group that I go to on Wednesdays (college group) had their Christmas party. It was a tacky sweater party where everyone wore tacky sweaters and we played Dirty Elephant (mix between dirty santa and white elephant).

I ended up with Landon Riley's homemade popsickle ferris wheel thing. It was hillarious.

I am so blessed with awesome Godly friends who keep me laughing when all I want to do is cry and be depressed all of the time.

The horses are as snug as a bug in a rug in their blankets tonight. It's cold out there, they were happy to have them on.

I am going to NWA this weekend to spend time with Sydney- I love her. We are going to watch movies, sleep, church it up, and shop. Oh, and maybe do a little hot tub'in ;) Her appartment complex is soo awesome, they have inground pools/hot tubs everywhere, and all her friends live there so it's fun to hang out with everyone. They also have indoor basketball courts and a gym. Can't wait to live there when I move up there for grad school!

Ok, I'm done rambling, time to go bowling! :)

Love,

Bri

Somedays I wish I could be a professional novelist. I am writing a book right now, I have been for years, but sometimes I just want to move off to the beach so I can write for eternity. My inspiration would then, in turn, vanish. So that messes up that plan.

When I write, I write from life experience. I write down all of my stories that God has allowed me to be apart of and experience, and I use them as a reminder of what life is all about: The good and the bad. The funny and the disturbing. The 'hey let's go jump off this rock!' times, and the 'oh maybe that wasn't such a great idea' afteraffects. This is me. This is what's up.

Went to New Orleans this weekend. I don't even know how to describe it in words. God taught me so much through what happened.

First Lesson: When your good friend has a seisure (not sure how to spell that, where is mozilla firefox spellcheck when I need it?!?), PRAY. Pray pray pray. Know that God is in control. Make the best out of every situation. That is what we did this weekend, and it makes me so happy and joyful that everyone was respectful and happy- even though 6 hours in the hospital waiting rooms. I love you BCMer's!!

Second Lesson: MAKE DISCIPLES!! Don't just evangelize, evangelize with your life and then continue on with discipling them! You can't just make Christians and then expect them to do it on their own; show love, get involved in peoples lives, don't care so much about the numbers of 'oh this is how many were saved this weekend', care more about the quallity that you are giving and showing people. Care about them, not just the numbers.

Third Lesson: Don't go to Burbon street on the Saturday night right before Halloween. I got my 'first kiss' (haha not really- but a guy did make out with my window I might add) this night. It was horrific. My spirit has never been so disturbed in all of my life. God worked through this night though, and he protected us through it all. I love how He works.

Fourth Lesson: God is bigger and stronger than anything I can even imagine. When I imagine the biggest and strongest and most powerful He can be, I am so underestimating Him even then. This makes me feel happy and safe.

Fifth Lesson: It's ok to dance it up and have a good time with my friends. That's pretty much all we did in our 12 hour rides too and from AR. I love to dance and sing. This is my personal revelation though this weekend. One of my new favorite songs is "Jenny from the Block" by Jlo. Pretty legit, if I do say so myself.

I am ready to go out and make disciples now. Sooo ready. I have two in mind right now that God has given me to love on them. My prayer this week is that I can adequately show God's love like he would want me to to these people, and whoever else I am around. To be a good influence, and light shinner for God.

Peace out.
-Bri

Tweet tweet...

Uhm. I am addicted to twitter. It's my new favorite social networking tool. Follow me: thelovelylime

Oh, Hi! I haven't been on here in awhile. I have been super duper busy with school and work and socializing (haha) that I have not had time to socialize on the blog. Anyways, here's what's been goin down:

Have been going to school. All A's so far. Just got a grade back from a hard essay test I took in philosophy, and I got a 96!!! God helped me out on that one, which is way cool. That's a fun story I'll have to tell sometime..

Have been riding all the time getting prepared for an arabian show near little rock. I am taking both arabs to this one, and we are going to show hunter. I have a little girl who is going to show Nazwan in the walk trot youth stuff. That will be fun to watch. Another little girl is going to ride him in leadline classes... love it.
Psyche is such a gift from God, well both of them are, but lately Psyche has really bonded with me and has been aiming to please me. It makes me so happy when I go out to the pasture now and he wants to go out and work. That is such a big change from when I first got him a year ago and he hated the world. He is such a different horse now, so happy and lovin' life. We have been going on solo trail rides lately down massard and all through fort chaffee, and he has a blast. No spookyness, and he loves visiting with construction workers on the side of the road. I am taking him on a ride this weekend at sugarloaf mountain. Excited about it :)

Yesterday I got to ride a saddlebred horse... a country pleasure (I think?) horse, which is like riding a frieght train that has no 'slow' pace. What an adrenaline rush that was..

Weekends have been awesome lately. I have some lovely friends, and lately I have been getting to hang out with Chris more, and that is awesome. Usually our schedules and locations clash. I wish he would just move up to Fort Smith! Last weekend he came down on Friday to go to the Greenwood game with me then we went back home and watched movies for awhile.. and then Saturday we went bowling. I am such a bad bowler. Him and the guys get scores in the 140's, and I am lucky if I get in the 100's. Hah.

I am sad the Drive-in is closed down for the winter now. It was so much fun, and now it's getting to be just the right temp to take my blankets and curl up to watch movies outside. Oh well.. it would be fun to rent it for one night for friends only. Hmm...

Selling my car. That's fun. Hopefully getting a Scion TC (baby blue would be awesome.. or black.. or silver with charcoal wheels.. ). I will be happy with whatever though. I'd actually just rather drive my truck, but the gas mileage isn't too nice to me.

I've started playing intramural football. Trying to learn what the rules are and stuff so I don't screw things up for us on the field. We played today and lost pretty bad.. but hey- I learned what rushing means! And that you have to have 5 on the line! Go me!

My good friend Randy got saved and baptised the other day!!! SO HAPPY about this!! We've been prayin for Randy ever since we met him, and the Lord took care of it. Congrats Randy, we love you!!

Wow, I am talking alot tonight... I am really tired but I can't sleep, as usual. I need some sleeping pills. Someone come and serenade me to sleep.....

OH found a new fav. song- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5lO4hEAJHU
:Just the way you are: by Bruno Mars... check it out. Seriously. It will get stuck in your head forever. And ever. I love it.

Also, another good one is She is Love by Parachute.... mmm

Stupid Dave Matthews is getting stuck in my head all the time lately, haunting me with their creepily true lyrics that tick me off....
Arg.

Oh well. Guess I'll shut up now and go read. I trick my eyes into trying to shut, then eventually my brain catches on ;)

Peace out :)
-Bri

"Lead Me to the Cross"

That was the title of a song we all sung last night.. and it has stuck with me ever sense.
God is so cool. Just sayin.

This week and last have been amazing, God has been working in my life and in my friends and it is so cool to feel and watch. The Source last night (our BCM worship night) was so awesome, you could feel Him in the room. The message was great, it really hit home with alot of people, so that was really great to watch. The worship, as usual, was awesome, but this time I think it really was amazing because we had 127 people in the room singing their hearts out to God. What a powerful thing that is to be a part of and hear. So cool.

As for classes, they are all going really well so far. I have Intro Programming, IT Project Tools, Networking Fundamentals, Earth Science, and Philosophy. 18 hours all together. I thought it would be so difficult at first, but it's actually working out well because it gives me something to do all of the time, and I am never not busy.. I am sure I will regret it later, but now I like being busy and it is good for me.

Florida was good, I went the week before class started. Glad I went, had fun with the family. The beach there is so pretty, and the house we stayed at was gorgeous and huge.

Ok, I am done yammering, just thought I needed to update with this. Also, I wrote my first program in Intro Programming tonight and it works and that makes me happy!!! :))

-Bri

By the way, I made it through the day

It's so ironic, is it not? This life that I have created for myself.. something I always told myself would happen, but now it is here. I don't want it to be here. I want it to go away. Expecially this feeling...

Feelings.
Feelings are so prinkley. Why did God choose to give us these contrary things that make us go insane?

Don't answer that. I already know the answer. I just don't want there to be an answer sometimes...

----
On a more realistic note, today was relatively good. I made it through the day, as my lyrically inclined status states. I am mentally just not where I should be right now though.. I wish it were all butterflies and rainbows. It really did used to be that way. Now I am just... I don't even know if there is a word or phrase that can explain it fully or even partially.


I don't know why I am posting this here. I just opened it and started writing. No one reads this anyways. I guess I can just look back on this to remind myself of how aweful I felt. How this feeling feels...

I almost died today. I almost got hit by lightning. Almost. Almost seems to be a word that is used a lot when talking about me and happenings that involve me. I am the "almost" child. "Almost" successful. "Almost" finished. "Almost" an 'A'. Not quite all there. Never enough. Sometimes I wish I would just totally fail at something, or totally rock at something. Mediocracy is not pleasant. Even when I do succeed at something, it feels as though I don't even deserve that. Why?

----

Briana, listen to me. When you re read this, remember this. People suck. I suck. No one is perfect. Even though you have heard that cliche phrase so many times over, it is still true. Doesn't make it right though. Strive for perfection. Please, please do. You will hate yourself if you don't, even though you know you will never perfect it. Just try. This is all I ask of you (myself). Try for it, and do what GOD wants you to do, not anyone else. I know you are scared. I know life is tough. I know relationships fail and let you down, and you let them down too. But still try. It's worth it. Atleast that's what it says in the good book, right?

----

Why am I so depressed tonight? I think it's because I watched this stupid movie called "Love Story" and it really stunk. It was about this couple who fell in love and then she died in the end from a blood disease. They didn't even try to cure it. They just accepted that she was dieing and they let her. Sad, is it not...

----

What do I want to do? I wish someone would just tell me... oh wait. They already did. Look where that's got me...

----


These lyrics are with me today...
"I still hold on to the letters you returned, I swear I've lived and learned... It's 4:03 and I can't sleep...the only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew.... If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong, if you only knew how I refuse to let you go even when you're gone..."

"Tell my mother, tell my father, I've done the best I can. To make them realise, this is my life, I hope they understand... I'm not angry, I'm just saying.. sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Life

Life... is interesting. And a blessing. The last time I posted was in October, and the title of the post is cracking me up.. I think I remember that feeling of extreme mouth pain when my wisdom teeth were coming in. Sooo glad I had them taken out, it was a terrible day when they stuck me with the IV 3 times (for those of you who don't know me, I hate IV's and needles and blood, it makes me have a mental breakdown pretty much..). I survived though, and now I have lovely holes in my mouth : )

Anywayss, it's been awhile. Lots of interesting/not so awesome/ and some awesome things have happened since I last posted.

• Christmas came and went. Was one of the worst Christmas' for me, but I serve an awesome God who helps us through hard times... which is what he did for me.
  
• Acquired a BMW (one of the things on my bucket list that has been completed now :)
• Raced said BMW and thoroughly enjoyed it.
  
• Finished last semester with a nice GPA, which I am super happy about.
• Started a new semester, which is going well except for Biology.. I think I could possibly fail this class. I've never failed any class before. Kinda scares me.
• Joined a workout class- lost 10 pounds and 2 inches so far.
  
• Got 2 new houses to house sit.
  
• I now have 6 riding students, which is the exact number I was wanting.
• Have another job lined up for the summer training horses for someone and getting them ready to show.. pretty excited about this one.
• Spring break came and went by really fast... it was a much needed stress break though.
  
• It snowed so much where I live this winter, which is odd
• I bought a new camera (one of the things on my "bucket list".. get a kick butt camera and learn how to use it and get paid for something you love eventually- still working on that part ;)
• Made new friends
• Lost a few friends
  
• Declared a major (IT Web Development... )
• And the list goes on...

So there is my list. I am going to try and post more on here, I know I say that every time, but now that I am getting back into designing websites and stuff I am sure I will want to try out some html on this blog. Like the new design by the way? :)

Smile,
Bri