Dear Baby Boy..

So, did I mention last post that I was very very prego? :) wellll, No-Name Hughes is due March 3rd.. I guess I should say "was due". He has decided he likes it in my tummy much more than coming out to see me on the outside. I don't blame him though, from what I've read, labor is hard on both moms and babies. All of the stress that comes along with being pushed out of a small opening must be hard to accept (sorry if that's too, erm, "gross". But this is real life!;)

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Pregnancy has not treated me well so far little one. But you are worth it. Just to give you an idea though (and so I can whine about it ;), here's a list of pain I have gone through: feet swelling, 7-8 straight months of nausea at random times of the day (mostly in the AM making surviving getting around and ready for work difficult), back pain, unexplainable pelvic pain, and Socratic nerve pain so terrible I could not walk (I thought you were going to make an early entrance-- but it's been very much the opposite case!). But like I said, oh so worth it. 

Right now, you don't have a name in my mind. Everyone has been calling you Parker (Allen Hughes), but I just have to see what you look like first before I decide. Isaac is another name I love, it means laughter. I also love that Isaac in the bible was used as a symbol of his dads obedience to God. 

I wonder if you will have blonde, brown, or red hair? I had red hair as a baby when I was born, and Kelly was bright blonde for a long time. As for eye color, even if your eyes are blue when you are born, I bet they will turn green eventually. Your dad's eyes are the prettiest green, and mine changed from blue to green all growing up, but now they are a solid green most of the time. 

Right now you are moving on my right side, kicking at the top and bottom of my stomach. Guess you are stretching. Seems at night that you like to wake up around 12 and then 4:30am when I go to bed at our normal time of 8:30pm. Tonight though I couldn't sleep. I had a terrible migraine earlier today and had a nap, so now I'm wide awake. You do like to move though, and that will be your dads and my most missed part of pregnancy. Feeling and watching you move around in my now quite large belly. Ill have to show you the terrible stretch marks you caused me when you get older, so you can see how big it really was ;)

Your dad is snoozing right now, but tonight before he went to bed (like most nights) he talked to you in my belly and told you that he loved you and said to hurry up and get here. He loves you so much, we both do, and he is so excited to have a buddy around to ride fourwheelers/tractors/horses with. And if you decide you don't like doing those things, that's ok too- we cannot wait to see what type of hobbies and interests you end up discovering.

Ok, my letter/note is done for now. Will try and sleep, and not to be too anxious for you to come. You have been moving and active the whole time I've been writing this. I will definitely miss the feeling of little kicks and stretches with me at all times.

Love,

Your Mom

Let's Gooo Fly a Kite... Up to the Highest Height...

So this has been a crazy ride. These past two weeks I've been thrown more stuff to deal with. Won't talk about it here, too public, but prayer would be appreciated. Trying to figure stuff out and do what is best for me. Not ever sure what that is..

On a happy note (because I started off with a sad note- sorry!), I've been learning lots of new stuff lately. Working with art, learning more about God, and most of all learning what I actually like and don't like. For the longest time I think I've forgotten who I am and what I like. I feel like Julia Roberts when she plays Maggie in 'Runaway Bride'. Every guy she is with, she just adapts to what his interests are... and how he likes his eggs cooked. She'd never made up her mind what she actually liked, because she always let others make decisions for her. I've been doing that for the past 6 ish months or so I'd say, and I've been too stressed to do what would make me happy. I worry too much about what others think and how I can please them. Balance needs to be achieved. Here are some things I've decided I like and don't like:

1. I don't like... Mean sarcasm- you know, the kind that after they say it, they always say "ohh that was just a joke! You know I'm kidding..." when secretly you know they probably had truth behind it. I always thought I liked it, but I am actually not too fond of it. I'm tired of it I guess..

2. I don't like... Computers. I actually don't like working with computers. I've always had the idea that I did, but looking back on how unhappy I have been in school these past two years (after I've already gotten my degree...), I realize that I don't like them. I'm not good at it. Why'd I do tihs? Well, I know why, but let's not go there...

3. I love... horses- and I let a guy steer me away from them and talk me out of spending quality time with them so I would spend time on him instead. Wrong decision on my part to agree to that. Stress can lead a person to do things they wouldn't normally do I guess.

4. I like... myself. I actually like spending time with just myself. I like going up to the lookout, with my bible, and just hanging out with myself and God. I had forgotten that part of me.

5. I'm ok with... the way I look finally. I'm excited about loosing weight to I can be healthy. I like being healthy. It makes me feel good. I like running (slow), I like bike riding (not too far), and I like working out (not for more than an hour ;). I like tanning. I even like my stomach shrinking so I can get that belly ring I've been wanting for months now (:D) I know that is weird, but face it and embrace it: I'm weird.

6. I don't like... gossip. Being made felt to be invisible. Being hated. Finding out who my true friends are lately, and it sucks to see people keep being mean when you've done nothing wrong to them :(

7. I don't like... confrontation. At all. I have learned that I am truly a peacemaker at heart, and when I try and make peace with people who don't want to make peace with me, it hurts my heart more than anything I've ever felt before. I have never felt such excruciating pain.

8. I love... taking care of things and being a nurturing person. I love watching things grow, I love teaching people and animals how to do something, and I love puppies. I miss dogs, I miss having a dog, and I want one. Now. Praying that God would either quench my puppy craving with someone else getting one that I can play with all the time or me myself getting one.

9. I love... caring. I love it when I invest in someone's life, and they return the favor and care about me as well. It's never been mandatory for me, I love pouring into people anyways, but when someone takes the time out of their schedule and life to invest in mine, it makes my heart smile. I'm blessed that I have people that do that for me and really love me.

10. I love... laughter. Over the past few months, I'd lost it. I don't know where it went. I guess when you get seriously sad about life in general, the laughing normally goes away too. I'd lost that part of myself, and now it's returning.

I think I'll stop at my favorite number ten. OH, btw, my favorite way to have my eggs cooked you might ask? Scrambled.... Definiltey scrambled.


-B

Life changes

Life has been so all over the place lately. I just don't even know where to start to catch you up..

School:
God blessed me so stinkin' much this semester... I had the worst semester of my life in my "real life", so my school was definitely affected. I thought for awhile that I was going to drop out, but my mom said I really should just tough it out: and if I failed, then atleast I had a good excuse.
But, that's the amazing thing about our Lord. When we are weak, He is strong. He is made great in our weaknesses, and loves to be glorified. This situation is definitely one that glorified Him in every area of my life.
He gave me all A's and one C. If you knew exactly how bad I was failing during midterm, you would understand how big of a deal this is. I had all D's and one A. All of these classes were upper level graduating classes, and he provided. The class that I got the C in at finals, I had a 68.5 in the class. I have no earthly idea why the teacher would round that grade up. I know it was a total and utter God thing. I wasn't going to get to graduate this semester with my associates if I had gotten a D. Praise God for that! It was super encouraging to see those final grades while I was lying under my mosquito net in Leogane, Haiti. My squeals could probably be heard all over the compound.

Relationships:
Not sure on how to start this section either. It's been a rough semester relationally too. I won't go into detail, but I really learned about peoples character, and what I really need in my life right now. I learned that I let people do what they want with me and settle just because I love people so much and want to please people. I didn't care about myself, I cared more about others to an extent that really drained me and left me blindsided. When I did try to stick up for myself, I ended up being really hurt because they didn't care about what I needed in life right then with all my circumstances going on and could care less because they had selfish motives. That is one thing I've really learned about people: it's all about number one, even within Christians, that selfish mindset is ever so present. Haiti really changed my whole mind set on this issue... But we will discuss that more in detail later.

Family:
I gained so much new family this semester. I am so blessed, and even though my emotions have been on a loop-d-loop rollercoster, I realize now that I am so blessed. Who else can say they have 5 full fledged families that love them? It's crazy, but I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened and that in due time it will all be processed in my mind and make sense. Please pray that I will have peace about the decisions I am going to have to be making soon about things in this area.

Horses:
Horses have been on the backburner unfortunately. Still have all 4, but they are spread out. Naz is at grandpa allens, Darcy is in Fayetteville at a prospective buyers, and psyche and clusie are at home. My direction right now with them is to bring Darcy home, get him going again, sell him. Then get naz back on track with his back problems so kids can start riding him. Psyche, our love, just to get him back in shape so we can train for dressage, western pleasure, and barrels. I really want to try barrels with him, I really think he would have fun with it with his spiritedness. Maybe try Darcy out with them too. D is 16.2hh, and he has really good ground cover. We'll see... I really miss horses and am sad that all of this has kept me from them this semester. But God has given me a huge gift of a few of my new family members loving horses, so when I found that out it was just another reassurance that God is all up in this situation :)

Conclusion: this semester had been the roughest time of my life, but when God gives you trials and tough times, he is the strength you need :) he wants to be glorified, and if you do that, it will give you the joy that will be a bright spot in your darkest times. Love you all, I'll post later about Haiti trip.

-Bri

Rise up to the Occasion that is Your LIFE

So I just had a sappy moment. A humbling moment.

Well, a few actually.

I just watched "500 Days of Summer". I don't know how that movie triggered so many emotions in me. It did trigger quite a few though; loneliness, dissapointment, abandonment, forgetfulness, love, the opposite of peace, what it is like without God,

that last one really got me choked up.

Until you think about life without God, things seem so normal. Then it hits you; wow, God really did not have to be available to us. He could have abandoned us, left us, dissapointed us, forgotten about us. But he is God. He loves us so much. It gave me so much hope, but then again gave me a burden and sadness because of all the people that I know personally and not personally that do not know about His love and what God and the Bible is really about.

I've been dwelling in the past. Tonight, today rather, has awoken a new life. I am ready to go forth and make disciples, to go forth and share the hope that is our God. Ready to rise up to the occasion of this Life that he has given to me, with mercy grace and love.

My prayer today is that God will give me the strength, courage, will, hope, determination to go and make disciples and to tell people about Him. That he would continually provide for this Canada mission trip. That he would work out the kinks in the trip, that we would be a blessing to the Hilton family. I pray that He would show me, guide me, in the direction that He would have me go in life. I know my main purpose, but I do not know what avenue He would like me to go and fulfill that purpose in. Thanks Lord, for all that you are, and thank you for continually amazing me. I love you.

You're the God of this City!

There is no one like our God...
There is no one like our God...

I keep repeating this to myself throughout my days.
"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are yet to be done in this city!", Chris Tomlin couldn't have said it any better in his song "God of this City"

And I so believe this. It also applies to my own life... "Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are yet to be done in my heart and life!"


I am so amazed at what GOD is doing in my heart. Not anyone else. God. My God.

I am so joyful... sometimes when things are at their worst, I just give it up to God, and he gives me peace. I so love peace. It's one of my most favorite emotions, and lately I had rarely been getting it. The reason for that though is because I was not asking for it, and I was not giving myself to Him. I wasn't letting go of the terrible things going on in my life that I can not control.

It's all over now though. For that I am thankful.

The Lord is good, and his mercy reins forever..


As undeserving of a person as they get..
-Bri