So, I wrote this the other day on here but wasn't sure if I should post it. I think I should though, because it shows my real self, and how Christian relationships can go when God isn't the center of them. Please don't judge me after reading this. It's just an honest rant. And you should also know that since writing this, the guy being talked about has called and tearily apologized for all the terrible stuff he had put me through, and God is doing amazing works in his life. I so care about this individual and want whats best for him, and I want God to totally freak him out an blow his mind with what only our God can do!! I'm so excited what God is gonna do in his life...
Disclaimer: the following post is filled with brash opinion, ranting tangents, and non relevant information. Please proceed with caution, the author is not responsible for lost brain cells or wasted time. You have been warned...
Ever have that feeling where you just know you are starting one of these "avoid these people at all costs because they hate you" lists? well, I just had that experience and now have a list that is quite similar to that. I really wish people would grow up, treat others with respect, and just plain love Jesus and love people.
I know I've made some stupid mistakes In the past, and more specifically in the past few months, but I know that now and am paying for the consequences. I should have known that the gut feeling of "she is trouble, maybe he isn't quite over her like he promised a million times he was" was one to pay attention to. I was wrong. And now I'm living with the consequences of someone ripping out my insides and throwing them on the ground while he walks over them with flippant Facebook posts referring to said girl and how he never will quit fighting for her.
Also love how this post will be public. Good thing no one reads this. Or let's hope that's the case. I'm past the point of caring honestly. I speak my mind lately in a God loving manner, and I thoroughly enjoy it.
Anyways, back to the consequences and lessons I've learned.
When someone tells you that you are "the one", goes on dinner dates with your dad to get approval, tells you how God is all up in and around the relationship, how he knows God wants you together, and talks about your future together and your future kids etc... don't listen to it. Until a ring is on that finger, don't play into the lies. Just don't. I know it will be tempting, the words probably are coming out of his mouth like butter on a hot biscuit, but don't do it. Guard needs to be kept up. At all times.
And when he starts getting defensive about you having his phone, never letting you read over his shoulder, be worried. He is hiding something.
My favorite one is when he says he is going to try his hardest to hang out with you before you leave for Haiti because he claimed to be sick the night before when he had said he was going to come over then... But then you get a text saying he knows you are going to be mad about this but he wants to hang out with said girl instead (refer to first paragraph rant) even though his girlfriend (that's you) is leaving the country and won't see him for about 2 and a half weeks. He will try to make the excuse of "well I promised her first that I would hang out with her"... This was before last night, when he told you that he would try his hardest to be not sick to hang out with you this night before you leave. For you blondes out there, that means he lied and hid it from you. Awesome huh? Oh, and for kicks, he is planning on going to go to a 10:30 movie with said girl.... Alone.
Rule of having a girlfriend- especially in a God pursuing and God loving way: I don't care who you are, you need permission to go out alone with another girl. Especially one you used to be in love with. Especially especially when your current girlfriend had specifically asked at the beginning of the relationship that said boyfriend would keep that friendship to a minimum because it hurt her heart the way he had picked the other girl over her the semester before.
Alert: if this has happened to you, douche move has been played. You officially have been downgraded on the list of said douches priorities. Abandon ship. Cut losses. Because the next step is called physical cheating my friends... That stage was a mere emotional cheating. Honestly not sure which one sucks more...
Ah that felt good :) I am soo in love with my savior, and if a guy is so caught up in himself that he doesn't do what is right in Gods eyes, then why waste my time? Time is so precious. I've learned lately that in the end, family is the best and closest thing you have. They are stuck with you! It's such a great feeling to know that someone isn't going to trade you in, break up with you, not care about you, etc. Family. And I am so blessed now in that department, because I just gained so many new family members... Oh lord thank you for your provisions. I love you and trust you fully, and am relying on you for every step here on out.
Ok, done Ranting :) I feel better. Love you lord :)
January 8, 2012
January 6, 2012
Getting to know you...
So, today I got to hang out with my "new" grandma and aunts... We went to Conway to shop and just hang out. I love getting to know them better, and when I am with them I am learning new stuff all of the time.
Then when I got home, I was going to go get some hay for the horses, but ended up going out to eat with mom dad and Madison at lahuertas. It was good... Chris texted me though when we were on our way saying he was going to be there at 7 if I wanted to go. Thought that was funny, ended up not going there though and just taking a nap. Then I went bowling with him and we decided that this year is the year of kayaking!!! I'm so excited to get back on the bandwagon and start my new life of energy and relaxation through enjoying gods creation of the outdoors :) this year I am going to kayak, hike, bike, horse ride, and run. Hoping to get fit enough to do a 5k by July 4th... Would love that.
On a side note, on the way home from conway we talked about spring break or summer trip to colorado with grandma to spend some time getting to know everyone. I think that would be good.
Ok, just a lil update, much love
-Bri
Then when I got home, I was going to go get some hay for the horses, but ended up going out to eat with mom dad and Madison at lahuertas. It was good... Chris texted me though when we were on our way saying he was going to be there at 7 if I wanted to go. Thought that was funny, ended up not going there though and just taking a nap. Then I went bowling with him and we decided that this year is the year of kayaking!!! I'm so excited to get back on the bandwagon and start my new life of energy and relaxation through enjoying gods creation of the outdoors :) this year I am going to kayak, hike, bike, horse ride, and run. Hoping to get fit enough to do a 5k by July 4th... Would love that.
On a side note, on the way home from conway we talked about spring break or summer trip to colorado with grandma to spend some time getting to know everyone. I think that would be good.
Ok, just a lil update, much love
-Bri
January 1, 2012
A Year of New
Happy new year!! I am so blessed. I love my friends and family and my God.
Spent the new years eve with Brandon Sam Jeff Laura Aspen Beth Latasha Beau and Emily. We played games ate pizza and then went to the lookout at Chaffee to toast the new year and watch fireworks... It was great :)
God is going to use this new year for his glory and I'm so excited!!!
Spent the new years eve with Brandon Sam Jeff Laura Aspen Beth Latasha Beau and Emily. We played games ate pizza and then went to the lookout at Chaffee to toast the new year and watch fireworks... It was great :)
God is going to use this new year for his glory and I'm so excited!!!
December 31, 2011
Mother Haiti
Mother Haiti.... That was the name of our grand adventure we had all been waiting months for. For me, the trip was almost non existent. I am glad God chose to slap me upside the head through a few people to make me realize that I needed to be on that trip, no matter the junky circumstances of my life the day before we left.
This trip taught me so much, and opened my eyes to a different world than one I have come to know. God opened my eyes, and came through when I asked him to "give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see, everything that I've been missing, give me Your love for humanity"...
So crazy that this girl, who used to really dislike kids and the human race in general, had come to love people with so much passion that she cried every day almost in Haiti because of the sadness and poverty there.
One of the things I've come to realize is that people in poverty are not deprived of Gods love. Just because someone lives in the worst conditions possible does not make their Joy from the Lord any less of a Joy. From my experiences, they are actually much happier and nicer than most people I know.
Here's a recap of some of the things we did while there... 1. Went to schools and gave out school supplies and shared the gospel, 2. Went and did kids clubs and shared bible stories and sang, 3. Went to a revival in Les Caynes, 4. Did street evangelism, 5. Shared the Jesus film in the middle of a village, 6. Cleaned a beach with new Haitian friends, 7. Loved on kids at the Lavaca orphanage, 8. Went to church and listened to John preach with a translator, 9. Loved on some more orphans at the orphanage in port au prince, and last but not least, 10. Found a ladies "little black book" at the airport that had all of her passwords and sensitive information and am getting the opportunity to reach out to her also.
For now I'm done, but I will update on each section as I have time. Can't wait to write about what God had done through this trip.
This trip taught me so much, and opened my eyes to a different world than one I have come to know. God opened my eyes, and came through when I asked him to "give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see, everything that I've been missing, give me Your love for humanity"...
So crazy that this girl, who used to really dislike kids and the human race in general, had come to love people with so much passion that she cried every day almost in Haiti because of the sadness and poverty there.
One of the things I've come to realize is that people in poverty are not deprived of Gods love. Just because someone lives in the worst conditions possible does not make their Joy from the Lord any less of a Joy. From my experiences, they are actually much happier and nicer than most people I know.
Here's a recap of some of the things we did while there... 1. Went to schools and gave out school supplies and shared the gospel, 2. Went and did kids clubs and shared bible stories and sang, 3. Went to a revival in Les Caynes, 4. Did street evangelism, 5. Shared the Jesus film in the middle of a village, 6. Cleaned a beach with new Haitian friends, 7. Loved on kids at the Lavaca orphanage, 8. Went to church and listened to John preach with a translator, 9. Loved on some more orphans at the orphanage in port au prince, and last but not least, 10. Found a ladies "little black book" at the airport that had all of her passwords and sensitive information and am getting the opportunity to reach out to her also.
For now I'm done, but I will update on each section as I have time. Can't wait to write about what God had done through this trip.
December 30, 2011
Life changes
Life has been so all over the place lately. I just don't even know where to start to catch you up..
School:
God blessed me so stinkin' much this semester... I had the worst semester of my life in my "real life", so my school was definitely affected. I thought for awhile that I was going to drop out, but my mom said I really should just tough it out: and if I failed, then atleast I had a good excuse.
But, that's the amazing thing about our Lord. When we are weak, He is strong. He is made great in our weaknesses, and loves to be glorified. This situation is definitely one that glorified Him in every area of my life.
He gave me all A's and one C. If you knew exactly how bad I was failing during midterm, you would understand how big of a deal this is. I had all D's and one A. All of these classes were upper level graduating classes, and he provided. The class that I got the C in at finals, I had a 68.5 in the class. I have no earthly idea why the teacher would round that grade up. I know it was a total and utter God thing. I wasn't going to get to graduate this semester with my associates if I had gotten a D. Praise God for that! It was super encouraging to see those final grades while I was lying under my mosquito net in Leogane, Haiti. My squeals could probably be heard all over the compound.
Relationships:
Not sure on how to start this section either. It's been a rough semester relationally too. I won't go into detail, but I really learned about peoples character, and what I really need in my life right now. I learned that I let people do what they want with me and settle just because I love people so much and want to please people. I didn't care about myself, I cared more about others to an extent that really drained me and left me blindsided. When I did try to stick up for myself, I ended up being really hurt because they didn't care about what I needed in life right then with all my circumstances going on and could care less because they had selfish motives. That is one thing I've really learned about people: it's all about number one, even within Christians, that selfish mindset is ever so present. Haiti really changed my whole mind set on this issue... But we will discuss that more in detail later.
Family:
I gained so much new family this semester. I am so blessed, and even though my emotions have been on a loop-d-loop rollercoster, I realize now that I am so blessed. Who else can say they have 5 full fledged families that love them? It's crazy, but I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened and that in due time it will all be processed in my mind and make sense. Please pray that I will have peace about the decisions I am going to have to be making soon about things in this area.
Horses:
Horses have been on the backburner unfortunately. Still have all 4, but they are spread out. Naz is at grandpa allens, Darcy is in Fayetteville at a prospective buyers, and psyche and clusie are at home. My direction right now with them is to bring Darcy home, get him going again, sell him. Then get naz back on track with his back problems so kids can start riding him. Psyche, our love, just to get him back in shape so we can train for dressage, western pleasure, and barrels. I really want to try barrels with him, I really think he would have fun with it with his spiritedness. Maybe try Darcy out with them too. D is 16.2hh, and he has really good ground cover. We'll see... I really miss horses and am sad that all of this has kept me from them this semester. But God has given me a huge gift of a few of my new family members loving horses, so when I found that out it was just another reassurance that God is all up in this situation :)
Conclusion: this semester had been the roughest time of my life, but when God gives you trials and tough times, he is the strength you need :) he wants to be glorified, and if you do that, it will give you the joy that will be a bright spot in your darkest times. Love you all, I'll post later about Haiti trip.
-Bri
School:
God blessed me so stinkin' much this semester... I had the worst semester of my life in my "real life", so my school was definitely affected. I thought for awhile that I was going to drop out, but my mom said I really should just tough it out: and if I failed, then atleast I had a good excuse.
But, that's the amazing thing about our Lord. When we are weak, He is strong. He is made great in our weaknesses, and loves to be glorified. This situation is definitely one that glorified Him in every area of my life.
He gave me all A's and one C. If you knew exactly how bad I was failing during midterm, you would understand how big of a deal this is. I had all D's and one A. All of these classes were upper level graduating classes, and he provided. The class that I got the C in at finals, I had a 68.5 in the class. I have no earthly idea why the teacher would round that grade up. I know it was a total and utter God thing. I wasn't going to get to graduate this semester with my associates if I had gotten a D. Praise God for that! It was super encouraging to see those final grades while I was lying under my mosquito net in Leogane, Haiti. My squeals could probably be heard all over the compound.
Relationships:
Not sure on how to start this section either. It's been a rough semester relationally too. I won't go into detail, but I really learned about peoples character, and what I really need in my life right now. I learned that I let people do what they want with me and settle just because I love people so much and want to please people. I didn't care about myself, I cared more about others to an extent that really drained me and left me blindsided. When I did try to stick up for myself, I ended up being really hurt because they didn't care about what I needed in life right then with all my circumstances going on and could care less because they had selfish motives. That is one thing I've really learned about people: it's all about number one, even within Christians, that selfish mindset is ever so present. Haiti really changed my whole mind set on this issue... But we will discuss that more in detail later.
Family:
I gained so much new family this semester. I am so blessed, and even though my emotions have been on a loop-d-loop rollercoster, I realize now that I am so blessed. Who else can say they have 5 full fledged families that love them? It's crazy, but I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened and that in due time it will all be processed in my mind and make sense. Please pray that I will have peace about the decisions I am going to have to be making soon about things in this area.
Horses:
Horses have been on the backburner unfortunately. Still have all 4, but they are spread out. Naz is at grandpa allens, Darcy is in Fayetteville at a prospective buyers, and psyche and clusie are at home. My direction right now with them is to bring Darcy home, get him going again, sell him. Then get naz back on track with his back problems so kids can start riding him. Psyche, our love, just to get him back in shape so we can train for dressage, western pleasure, and barrels. I really want to try barrels with him, I really think he would have fun with it with his spiritedness. Maybe try Darcy out with them too. D is 16.2hh, and he has really good ground cover. We'll see... I really miss horses and am sad that all of this has kept me from them this semester. But God has given me a huge gift of a few of my new family members loving horses, so when I found that out it was just another reassurance that God is all up in this situation :)
Conclusion: this semester had been the roughest time of my life, but when God gives you trials and tough times, he is the strength you need :) he wants to be glorified, and if you do that, it will give you the joy that will be a bright spot in your darkest times. Love you all, I'll post later about Haiti trip.
-Bri
May 21, 2011
I am trying to update my blog background, but blogger is being mean to me.. so for now, blank background. Boo.
So I've been busy since I last blogged with life. Lots has been going on. Finished this semester out with:
Data Modeling: A
Total Fit: A
Golf: A
Intro Programming: B (yaay! PTL)
Net Client Support: B
Biology: C
So overall, I am happy. God has blessed me with great grades, and I was so nervous there for awhile.
I am going to start my internship @ AOG on Monday. That should be interesting.
Ok, just wanted to update a tad on here, now I am going to get off.
Oh, also, Darcy is going to a new home on June 5th. Bittersweet.
-Bri
February 19, 2011
Rise up to the Occasion that is Your LIFE
So I just had a sappy moment. A humbling moment.
Well, a few actually.
I just watched "500 Days of Summer". I don't know how that movie triggered so many emotions in me. It did trigger quite a few though; loneliness, dissapointment, abandonment, forgetfulness, love, the opposite of peace, what it is like without God,
that last one really got me choked up.
Until you think about life without God, things seem so normal. Then it hits you; wow, God really did not have to be available to us. He could have abandoned us, left us, dissapointed us, forgotten about us. But he is God. He loves us so much. It gave me so much hope, but then again gave me a burden and sadness because of all the people that I know personally and not personally that do not know about His love and what God and the Bible is really about.
I've been dwelling in the past. Tonight, today rather, has awoken a new life. I am ready to go forth and make disciples, to go forth and share the hope that is our God. Ready to rise up to the occasion of this Life that he has given to me, with mercy grace and love.
My prayer today is that God will give me the strength, courage, will, hope, determination to go and make disciples and to tell people about Him. That he would continually provide for this Canada mission trip. That he would work out the kinks in the trip, that we would be a blessing to the Hilton family. I pray that He would show me, guide me, in the direction that He would have me go in life. I know my main purpose, but I do not know what avenue He would like me to go and fulfill that purpose in. Thanks Lord, for all that you are, and thank you for continually amazing me. I love you.
Well, a few actually.
I just watched "500 Days of Summer". I don't know how that movie triggered so many emotions in me. It did trigger quite a few though; loneliness, dissapointment, abandonment, forgetfulness, love, the opposite of peace, what it is like without God,
that last one really got me choked up.
Until you think about life without God, things seem so normal. Then it hits you; wow, God really did not have to be available to us. He could have abandoned us, left us, dissapointed us, forgotten about us. But he is God. He loves us so much. It gave me so much hope, but then again gave me a burden and sadness because of all the people that I know personally and not personally that do not know about His love and what God and the Bible is really about.
I've been dwelling in the past. Tonight, today rather, has awoken a new life. I am ready to go forth and make disciples, to go forth and share the hope that is our God. Ready to rise up to the occasion of this Life that he has given to me, with mercy grace and love.
My prayer today is that God will give me the strength, courage, will, hope, determination to go and make disciples and to tell people about Him. That he would continually provide for this Canada mission trip. That he would work out the kinks in the trip, that we would be a blessing to the Hilton family. I pray that He would show me, guide me, in the direction that He would have me go in life. I know my main purpose, but I do not know what avenue He would like me to go and fulfill that purpose in. Thanks Lord, for all that you are, and thank you for continually amazing me. I love you.
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