Parker turns one!

Parker, you have grown so much in so little amount of time. You are 26+ lbs, you have a head full of wavey blonde haor, and your eyes are still that deep blue that captivates everyone you meet. You are going to turn one year old in less than a month! Taller and stronger than most kids your age.

Favorite words right now: mama, dada, nana

Favorite sounds: too many to list! One thing you have mastered very well is the immitation of sounds.

Favorite activity: being outside. Crunching leaves. Feeling the grass. You cry when we bring you back inside..

Your attitude is getting stronger each day; more opinionated as time goes by. You are as stubborn as all get out.

Oh, and did I mention you were walking everywhere now? Started with little steps all by yourself about a month and a half ago. Last week you really got brave and have been walking most everywhere. You play a game of walking obstacle course, where you will walk in a pattern from one object to another for a good 10 mins.

Last month you had the flu and then strep throat, back to back. It was so sad to see you so sick, with little that I could do about it. I wish it was me instead of you. You sure were cuddly though during that time, which is a rare sight lately.

Parker, we love you more than life itself. Happy birthday little angel.

4 months later..

Parker you have grown so much! You started out an 8 lb bundle of beauty and happiness, and it just gets better and better each day.  When you smile at me, my heart melts. You have brought our family so much happiness in a time that was so stressful.  I could care less what people think about me, because I just feel sorry for them that they do not get the privilege of knowing and loving you. You are the best thing that has happened to your dad and I.

Rolling over has been your most recent adventure. You toss, you turn. Finally you made it over a few grunts later. That was a few weeks ago. From that time, you have now mastered the art of turning on your belly! Head held high, you are so proud of yourself. Today you have been flip flopping around the floor and laughing uncontrollably at the silliest things.

You smell so good! Might be weird to say, but I've never loved a smell like I love your baby smell. So soft and comforting to your mom who loves you. 

We have been letting you sniff and get a feel for the horses and dogs. With Lilly  your dads Clydesdale,  you are in awe of her when she walks up and blows on your face. I don't thing your big o blue  eyes could get any bigger when she comes to see you. With Cooper,  he loves to smell your baby scent and gently lick your toes when I look away. I think he knows you are pretty special and cannot wait to get more time with you.

You love your daddy so much. When he comes in the room, you light up. He goes out of the way to make youn laugh and laugh with his silly voices and ways. He loves you more than life.

I love you more and more every day Parker. I never thought I'd love you more than the day we gave birth to you. Ive been proven wrong every day, every hour I'm with you.

Jesus please watch over my Parker man and keep him safe. Guide him to be the strong man of God I have prayed he will become. Give him the ability and will to love others like Jesus loves him.

-Your Mom

Sleepless...

When people said while I was pregnant that I needed to enjoy my me time and sleep, I really should have listened. Having a baby takes that all away. I miss sleep. I miss long naps. I miss being able to take a shower without having to worry about a screaming human being.

But.

It's worth it. Parker is awesome, such a good baby and so advanced already for his age. Love our baby boy, but really dislike these nights of sleeplessness.

Love you Parker.

Welcome to the family...

Parker.

Parker Isaac Allen Hughes. Believe me, we tried to pick just one name for the middle. Wasn't happening.

Parker was 8 lbs, 21 inches. He is so perfect, it's almost not real.

I haven't been around alot of babies, but everyone tells me he is the most perfect they've seen. His complexion and features right from birth were perfect to me. I'm sure I'm biased though.

I never knew how much I'd love this kid. As soon as they showed him to me, dancing him out of my belly, I had more love then I knew what to do with. 

March 16th, 2014, our plans for a natural birth were altered. I had been in labor since Thursday night (13th), and in active labor since the 16th at 2am. He came via Caesarian section because as of 9pm, I was not dilating past a 6. I had been at a six since 3pm. He was stuck, and it was more pain laboring through a transition than I'd ever felt with anything. Determined not to have pain meds, at that point I was wore out. But once we had the c section talk with dr laws, 9:00 was here and we were rolling into the OR. Kelly was sent with me, donned in scrubs and the cutest hat you'll ever see (pix below ). I was trying not to hyperventilate. We had a blessing from God, her name was Emily. Emily was the best anesthesiologist around. My doula Jodie, who had been there through everything, said she was a Godsend. She was. Emily made me calm, and when she put the spinal block in, I barely felt anything. Praise God. Once they started, it was the most surreal thing I'd ever seen felt or heard. I could feel the pulling and tugging of the instruments, and I could here the clipping/etc (won't go into details...)

Once he was out though, all worth it. They danced him out of my belly and lowered the curtain so I could see just him. Kelly and Emily kept me calm through the whole thing also, so I was not hysterical evaluate of the noises or tugs I was feeling. God helped me through it, and I will be forever grateful. 

Once done with that, they held him to my cheek once he was cleaned up. I will never forget the soft cheek against mine and what that sweet baby felt like. No other feeling in the world can beat that one. Kelly was then able to take him out to the waiting room to show everyone. Mom said he was so proud, and looked like a daddy. He is such a great daddy. Kelly said he felt instant love wash over him too as soon as he saw them dance Parker out of my belly. So cool.

Once out of the OR, I had the shakes and itching sensation that is normal with the anesthesia. They sent me back to a room, and one by one I got to see everyone. Finally, I got to go to my real room, and then we were able to get Parker back. At that time he did not have a name, and it took us up until the last day to decide on his name. Parker was so perfect for him though, it fits his face for some reason. Isaac means laughter, and I could not leave that out because of the laughter I felt when I found out I was having him, and at the end when nothing went right ( well, so I thought according to "my" plans, not Gods). God showed me through this that I need to be like Abraham, giving up everything, even my son, to him so he can work in powerful ways. Thank you God for my wonderful baby. I just finished nursing him, and never in a million years did I ever think I'd be a mom; but it is the best occupation I have or will ever have.

Waiting game..

Well, no baby yet. Almost 2 weeks since due date, and dr is trying to get me to induce. Setting an induce date for next Monday we think; he had me scheduled for last night, but we did not have a peace about it. 

Will post again hopefully this weekend after baby is here... Crossing fingers. 

Sleepless.

Sleepless nights. Constant stress. Panic attacks. Angry and violent people. Excruciating pelvic pain. Locked doors. Fear. This is our life this week.

God has a plan though; he will provide a place and way for us. I have faith and have decided to not worry about it; even when we are feeling our most vulnerable and weak and in the eyes of a predator. God is in control. Always. My faith in that statement is being tested though this weekend and week. I know Kelly is struggling as well. I needed to type this somewhere to verbally state that I do believe God is in control. The devil can leave us alone, in Jesus name. Please pray for our small family as we wade through some tough environments and decisions in this season of our life.

On top of that, no baby yet. Ready for him to get here.

-B

Dear Baby Boy..

So, did I mention last post that I was very very prego? :) wellll, No-Name Hughes is due March 3rd.. I guess I should say "was due". He has decided he likes it in my tummy much more than coming out to see me on the outside. I don't blame him though, from what I've read, labor is hard on both moms and babies. All of the stress that comes along with being pushed out of a small opening must be hard to accept (sorry if that's too, erm, "gross". But this is real life!;)

------------------------------------------

Pregnancy has not treated me well so far little one. But you are worth it. Just to give you an idea though (and so I can whine about it ;), here's a list of pain I have gone through: feet swelling, 7-8 straight months of nausea at random times of the day (mostly in the AM making surviving getting around and ready for work difficult), back pain, unexplainable pelvic pain, and Socratic nerve pain so terrible I could not walk (I thought you were going to make an early entrance-- but it's been very much the opposite case!). But like I said, oh so worth it. 

Right now, you don't have a name in my mind. Everyone has been calling you Parker (Allen Hughes), but I just have to see what you look like first before I decide. Isaac is another name I love, it means laughter. I also love that Isaac in the bible was used as a symbol of his dads obedience to God. 

I wonder if you will have blonde, brown, or red hair? I had red hair as a baby when I was born, and Kelly was bright blonde for a long time. As for eye color, even if your eyes are blue when you are born, I bet they will turn green eventually. Your dad's eyes are the prettiest green, and mine changed from blue to green all growing up, but now they are a solid green most of the time. 

Right now you are moving on my right side, kicking at the top and bottom of my stomach. Guess you are stretching. Seems at night that you like to wake up around 12 and then 4:30am when I go to bed at our normal time of 8:30pm. Tonight though I couldn't sleep. I had a terrible migraine earlier today and had a nap, so now I'm wide awake. You do like to move though, and that will be your dads and my most missed part of pregnancy. Feeling and watching you move around in my now quite large belly. Ill have to show you the terrible stretch marks you caused me when you get older, so you can see how big it really was ;)

Your dad is snoozing right now, but tonight before he went to bed (like most nights) he talked to you in my belly and told you that he loved you and said to hurry up and get here. He loves you so much, we both do, and he is so excited to have a buddy around to ride fourwheelers/tractors/horses with. And if you decide you don't like doing those things, that's ok too- we cannot wait to see what type of hobbies and interests you end up discovering.

Ok, my letter/note is done for now. Will try and sleep, and not to be too anxious for you to come. You have been moving and active the whole time I've been writing this. I will definitely miss the feeling of little kicks and stretches with me at all times.

Love,

Your Mom

This was supposed to be published a year ago...

Hah! I found this on my drafts area when I was going to revive my blog today... Well, lots has changed since then. Will post about that later, but publishing now the post that was meant for 2-2-13 ;)

----------------------------------------------

2-2-13:

Welll.... I cannot believe I have not posted since last March!!! I feel like a different person from who posted last. I have changed so much in such a short amount of time, and so has my life.
I got Married!!!

Shortly after that last blog post, after giving everything to God, He brought me a wonderful man named Kelly. Kelly loves God, loves horses, and loves family. He is the perfect match for me, and I cannot believe we are married... it still blows my mind. Just a quick update, post more later. Here are a few pics to commemorate! (Photo cred to my awesomely talented friend Hannah Jay)

Let's Gooo Fly a Kite... Up to the Highest Height...

So this has been a crazy ride. These past two weeks I've been thrown more stuff to deal with. Won't talk about it here, too public, but prayer would be appreciated. Trying to figure stuff out and do what is best for me. Not ever sure what that is..

On a happy note (because I started off with a sad note- sorry!), I've been learning lots of new stuff lately. Working with art, learning more about God, and most of all learning what I actually like and don't like. For the longest time I think I've forgotten who I am and what I like. I feel like Julia Roberts when she plays Maggie in 'Runaway Bride'. Every guy she is with, she just adapts to what his interests are... and how he likes his eggs cooked. She'd never made up her mind what she actually liked, because she always let others make decisions for her. I've been doing that for the past 6 ish months or so I'd say, and I've been too stressed to do what would make me happy. I worry too much about what others think and how I can please them. Balance needs to be achieved. Here are some things I've decided I like and don't like:

1. I don't like... Mean sarcasm- you know, the kind that after they say it, they always say "ohh that was just a joke! You know I'm kidding..." when secretly you know they probably had truth behind it. I always thought I liked it, but I am actually not too fond of it. I'm tired of it I guess..

2. I don't like... Computers. I actually don't like working with computers. I've always had the idea that I did, but looking back on how unhappy I have been in school these past two years (after I've already gotten my degree...), I realize that I don't like them. I'm not good at it. Why'd I do tihs? Well, I know why, but let's not go there...

3. I love... horses- and I let a guy steer me away from them and talk me out of spending quality time with them so I would spend time on him instead. Wrong decision on my part to agree to that. Stress can lead a person to do things they wouldn't normally do I guess.

4. I like... myself. I actually like spending time with just myself. I like going up to the lookout, with my bible, and just hanging out with myself and God. I had forgotten that part of me.

5. I'm ok with... the way I look finally. I'm excited about loosing weight to I can be healthy. I like being healthy. It makes me feel good. I like running (slow), I like bike riding (not too far), and I like working out (not for more than an hour ;). I like tanning. I even like my stomach shrinking so I can get that belly ring I've been wanting for months now (:D) I know that is weird, but face it and embrace it: I'm weird.

6. I don't like... gossip. Being made felt to be invisible. Being hated. Finding out who my true friends are lately, and it sucks to see people keep being mean when you've done nothing wrong to them :(

7. I don't like... confrontation. At all. I have learned that I am truly a peacemaker at heart, and when I try and make peace with people who don't want to make peace with me, it hurts my heart more than anything I've ever felt before. I have never felt such excruciating pain.

8. I love... taking care of things and being a nurturing person. I love watching things grow, I love teaching people and animals how to do something, and I love puppies. I miss dogs, I miss having a dog, and I want one. Now. Praying that God would either quench my puppy craving with someone else getting one that I can play with all the time or me myself getting one.

9. I love... caring. I love it when I invest in someone's life, and they return the favor and care about me as well. It's never been mandatory for me, I love pouring into people anyways, but when someone takes the time out of their schedule and life to invest in mine, it makes my heart smile. I'm blessed that I have people that do that for me and really love me.

10. I love... laughter. Over the past few months, I'd lost it. I don't know where it went. I guess when you get seriously sad about life in general, the laughing normally goes away too. I'd lost that part of myself, and now it's returning.

I think I'll stop at my favorite number ten. OH, btw, my favorite way to have my eggs cooked you might ask? Scrambled.... Definiltey scrambled.


-B

God's Majesty..

Sitting here in my little blue mini Cooper named francisco, windows down, seat back. It is going to storm tonight, and I am fully enjoying the calm before the storm. The wind is majestically blowing everywhere, and I'm not caring about my hair for once. God has shown me again that he is in control. If I really want to live out what I preach, I've gotta let it all go. Everything. That's hard for a control freak like me. But tonights message made it clear that once I'm saved, he actually lives inside of me. Inhabits me. Dwells inside of my being. So mind blowingly awesome. I don't even know how to describe it. In awe.... Lord please help me keep this longing for you ever growing and constantly a part of my daily life. I love you and want to learn more about you. I need you. I am nothing without you. Thank you.
In awe...

Twitterpated

I think I'm getting addicted to twitter. It's fun. You should try it and follow me @thelovelylime ... Fo realz.

On the serious side, went to pick up Mr. Darcy in NWA tonight with Trev and Chris. While we were up there, Mason planned to propose to Taylor and we got to be apart of it. Pretty awesome!

Got home and got to watch Justin Bieber the movie. Love that movie. I know that's weird, but if you haven't seen it then you can't judge. Gotta atleast give it a chance. It made me a bieliber.

Watching that movie made me pretty stoked for what God has planned for me. I want to change the world. Idk how I'm gonna do that, but I really want to make a difference somewhere in a big way. Going to keep praying that he enables me to do so. Gotta get over my fear of public speaking when it comes to God stuff and just trust that he will speak through me. Gotta keep praying about it. If you are reading this, please pray with me about it too. I've been feeling lately that God really wants me to give my testimony in front of people in a speaking setting. I really wish it could be just all women when I give it, but I know that's probably not possible. Going to have to pray that he gives me courage to tell the truth in love and not be afraid of what people will say or think about my situation and my messed up life.

Ok, I'm wiped out, long day! Just thought I'd write what was on my heart, it's on my iPhone so I'm sorry if there are spelling or grammar errors!

Much love,
Bri

SO STINKIN BLESSED!

So.... I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks!!!

WOOOHOOOO

Um. I'm excited. I'm stoked. My waist is smaller. My skinny jeans are on the verge of fitting. Life is GOOD!

So, on that wonderfully happy note, let's talk about what GOD is doing in my life lately. Because I know you wanna read about that ;)

1. The JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH!!
I never realized how much this phrase has meant to me until this trial in my life. It seriously puts things in perspective. If I have the Joy of the Lord, that's all the strength I need! I Know he is going to get me through whatever I am going through, because He promises to do so!

2. Healing is in HIS hands!
Healing is coming like it has never been seen in my life before. On so many different levels. I won't post for the whole world to see, but I am being healed. I was prayed over, I was spoken over, it is crazy the things that have been happening in my life. I've never felt so good physically, which is such a blessing and an answered prayer. I am able to not be afraid when people touch me anymore. Such a God thing!

3. He makes Beauty out of Ashes!
This was spoken over me by my aunt, it is such a cool story, and it gave me goosebumps and made me bawl when she told me. So, the night before I left for my mission trip to Haiti, I broke up with my boyfriend. We were pretty serious, atleast I thought we were and he said we were, but God was telling me to end it because of things he was doing in our relationship that were not healthy or biblical to me. Well, that night after I had broken up with him, I was devastated. I don't think I've cried like that since I tore my ACL (in my knee). My physical and emotional pain were parallel, I could not tell one from the other. My heart was literally broke. At 4AM that night, I remember what I was doing. I was in and out of sleep, and I had just woken up and started crying again. I was questioning going to Haiti, and the devil was attacking me really hard. My Aunt told me after I had gotten back from Haiti that the same night at exactly 4 am God woke her up and said "Start praying for Briana". So, she prayed and prayed, fighting for me spiritually, and I thought that was just the coolest most amazing thing that God has ever done for me. Who knew, that in my lowest and weakest moment, that God was watching out for me and knew that I needed someone interceeding in prayer for me?? And then later, when I was back from Haiti having another terrible week because I did not want to be back in the states to face my screwed up life, that He put that in my life to encourage me and let me know that HE is still in control and loves me so much. It has strenthened and deepend my faith. I am so thankful. After she told me that, she also said that He gave her something to tell me, "God is going to make Beauty out of the Ashes of your life- He knows what He is doing, and He is going to make your life beautiful with these ashes you were handed to begin with".... it made me bawl. So awesome. And I got to looking, and there is a bible verse that has that in it as well-

Isaiah 61:3
"³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

So awesome!!!! I just am so amazed and humbled lately at what God is doing in our lives.


4. Forgiveness is mandatory, not optional, in every situation!
So, I'll be honest: my biggest sin in life is not giving forgiveness. I've struggled with it all my life, ever since my parents got divorced, all the way up until now when I found out that my father was not my biological father and that there was a whole new family that wanted to know me. In the bible, it says that those who do not forgive won't be forgiven by God. That's a pretty heavy statement. I never realized how big forgiveness was to God until this year. But it makes total sense. How can we, total sinners, be good enough to not forgive people when God sent his ONLY son, Jesus, to die and come back to life for all of our terrible sins?? I am a sinner. So how can I not forgive someone when I am just as bad as them in the long run? So that's another huge lesson lately, just forgive and move on- but learn from yours and others mistakes and make the best of the situations you are in and have been dealt- because they are for a reason and can be for Glorifying God when we let them and make ourselves available and interruptable for the gospels sake. That leads me to my next lesson of the year....

5. BE INTERUPPTABLE!
In the New Testament, Jesus was interupted most of the time that he was trying to go someplace or heal someone. He was always interrupted! He actually got frustrated a couple of times it seems like, but he would always make time for the people who were inturrupting them. How many times out of our day do we say "Oh... I so would, but I've got to do this! ". For example, after bible study, I am always in a hurry to get out of there because it's late. I can't believe I am telling you this, but honestly, there have been times where I have avoided conversations that could have led into ones that were God honoring and placed there by God because I was too much in a hurry and wanted to be on "my time". How many times during the day do we miss opportunities because we are not "interruptable"? I've been really trying to slow down, look around at the lost people, and pay attention to the 'gospel starving' people around that would love a good Jesus conversation, or just need to be plain loved on. I challenge you to do the same. It's really cool the people you get to talk to and how much joy it gives you by doing and being available to God 24/7 and not just when it's 'convenient' for me.

Ok, that's it for now, but I am so glad I wrote all that down!! I have a really bad memory lately because of the stress I am under, so writing it down and just getting it out helps me process and remember. I hope if you read this that you are challenged as well and are encouraged! Because we do serve a God who cares... all the way from the small and mundane things of our lives up to the huge and life changing thigns going on as well.

Love you guys,
Briana

Living with consequences...

So, I wrote this the other day on here but wasn't sure if I should post it. I think I should though, because it shows my real self, and how Christian relationships can go when God isn't the center of them. Please don't judge me after reading this. It's just an honest rant. And you should also know that since writing this, the guy being talked about has called and tearily apologized for all the terrible stuff he had put me through, and God is doing amazing works in his life. I so care about this individual and want whats best for him, and I want God to totally freak him out an blow his mind with what only our God can do!! I'm so excited what God is gonna do in his life...

Disclaimer: the following post is filled with brash opinion, ranting tangents, and non relevant information. Please proceed with caution, the author is not responsible for lost brain cells or wasted time. You have been warned...


Ever have that feeling where you just know you are starting one of these "avoid these people at all costs because they hate you" lists? well, I just had that experience and now have a list that is quite similar to that. I really wish people would grow up, treat others with respect, and just plain love Jesus and love people.

I know I've made some stupid mistakes In the past, and more specifically in the past few months, but I know that now and am paying for the consequences. I should have known that the gut feeling of "she is trouble, maybe he isn't quite over her like he promised a million times he was" was one to pay attention to. I was wrong. And now I'm living with the consequences of someone ripping out my insides and throwing them on the ground while he walks over them with flippant Facebook posts referring to said girl and how he never will quit fighting for her.
Also love how this post will be public. Good thing no one reads this. Or let's hope that's the case. I'm past the point of caring honestly. I speak my mind lately in a God loving manner, and I thoroughly enjoy it.

Anyways, back to the consequences and lessons I've learned.

When someone tells you that you are "the one", goes on dinner dates with your dad to get approval, tells you how God is all up in and around the relationship, how he knows God wants you together, and talks about your future together and your future kids etc... don't listen to it. Until a ring is on that finger, don't play into the lies. Just don't. I know it will be tempting, the words probably are coming out of his mouth like butter on a hot biscuit, but don't do it. Guard needs to be kept up. At all times.
And when he starts getting defensive about you having his phone, never letting you read over his shoulder, be worried. He is hiding something.

My favorite one is when he says he is going to try his hardest to hang out with you before you leave for Haiti because he claimed to be sick the night before when he had said he was going to come over then... But then you get a text saying he knows you are going to be mad about this but he wants to hang out with said girl instead (refer to first paragraph rant) even though his girlfriend (that's you) is leaving the country and won't see him for about 2 and a half weeks. He will try to make the excuse of "well I promised her first that I would hang out with her"... This was before last night, when he told you that he would try his hardest to be not sick to hang out with you this night before you leave. For you blondes out there, that means he lied and hid it from you. Awesome huh? Oh, and for kicks, he is planning on going to go to a 10:30 movie with said girl.... Alone.

Rule of having a girlfriend- especially in a God pursuing and God loving way: I don't care who you are, you need permission to go out alone with another girl. Especially one you used to be in love with. Especially especially when your current girlfriend had specifically asked at the beginning of the relationship that said boyfriend would keep that friendship to a minimum because it hurt her heart the way he had picked the other girl over her the semester before.
Alert: if this has happened to you, douche move has been played. You officially have been downgraded on the list of said douches priorities. Abandon ship. Cut losses. Because the next step is called physical cheating my friends... That stage was a mere emotional cheating. Honestly not sure which one sucks more...

Ah that felt good :) I am soo in love with my savior, and if a guy is so caught up in himself that he doesn't do what is right in Gods eyes, then why waste my time? Time is so precious. I've learned lately that in the end, family is the best and closest thing you have. They are stuck with you! It's such a great feeling to know that someone isn't going to trade you in, break up with you, not care about you, etc. Family. And I am so blessed now in that department, because I just gained so many new family members... Oh lord thank you for your provisions. I love you and trust you fully, and am relying on you for every step here on out.

Ok, done Ranting :) I feel better. Love you lord :)

Getting to know you...

So, today I got to hang out with my "new" grandma and aunts... We went to Conway to shop and just hang out. I love getting to know them better, and when I am with them I am learning new stuff all of the time.
Then when I got home, I was going to go get some hay for the horses, but ended up going out to eat with mom dad and Madison at lahuertas. It was good... Chris texted me though when we were on our way saying he was going to be there at 7 if I wanted to go. Thought that was funny, ended up not going there though and just taking a nap. Then I went bowling with him and we decided that this year is the year of kayaking!!! I'm so excited to get back on the bandwagon and start my new life of energy and relaxation through enjoying gods creation of the outdoors :) this year I am going to kayak, hike, bike, horse ride, and run. Hoping to get fit enough to do a 5k by July 4th... Would love that.
On a side note, on the way home from conway we talked about spring break or summer trip to colorado with grandma to spend some time getting to know everyone. I think that would be good.
Ok, just a lil update, much love
-Bri

A Year of New

Happy new year!! I am so blessed. I love my friends and family and my God.
Spent the new years eve with Brandon Sam Jeff Laura Aspen Beth Latasha Beau and Emily. We played games ate pizza and then went to the lookout at Chaffee to toast the new year and watch fireworks... It was great :)

God is going to use this new year for his glory and I'm so excited!!!

Mother Haiti

Mother Haiti.... That was the name of our grand adventure we had all been waiting months for. For me, the trip was almost non existent. I am glad God chose to slap me upside the head through a few people to make me realize that I needed to be on that trip, no matter the junky circumstances of my life the day before we left.

This trip taught me so much, and opened my eyes to a different world than one I have come to know. God opened my eyes, and came through when I asked him to "give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see, everything that I've been missing, give me Your love for humanity"...
So crazy that this girl, who used to really dislike kids and the human race in general, had come to love people with so much passion that she cried every day almost in Haiti because of the sadness and poverty there.

One of the things I've come to realize is that people in poverty are not deprived of Gods love. Just because someone lives in the worst conditions possible does not make their Joy from the Lord any less of a Joy. From my experiences, they are actually much happier and nicer than most people I know.

Here's a recap of some of the things we did while there... 1. Went to schools and gave out school supplies and shared the gospel, 2. Went and did kids clubs and shared bible stories and sang, 3. Went to a revival in Les Caynes, 4. Did street evangelism, 5. Shared the Jesus film in the middle of a village, 6. Cleaned a beach with new Haitian friends, 7. Loved on kids at the Lavaca orphanage, 8. Went to church and listened to John preach with a translator, 9. Loved on some more orphans at the orphanage in port au prince, and last but not least, 10. Found a ladies "little black book" at the airport that had all of her passwords and sensitive information and am getting the opportunity to reach out to her also.

For now I'm done, but I will update on each section as I have time. Can't wait to write about what God had done through this trip.

Life changes

Life has been so all over the place lately. I just don't even know where to start to catch you up..

School:
God blessed me so stinkin' much this semester... I had the worst semester of my life in my "real life", so my school was definitely affected. I thought for awhile that I was going to drop out, but my mom said I really should just tough it out: and if I failed, then atleast I had a good excuse.
But, that's the amazing thing about our Lord. When we are weak, He is strong. He is made great in our weaknesses, and loves to be glorified. This situation is definitely one that glorified Him in every area of my life.
He gave me all A's and one C. If you knew exactly how bad I was failing during midterm, you would understand how big of a deal this is. I had all D's and one A. All of these classes were upper level graduating classes, and he provided. The class that I got the C in at finals, I had a 68.5 in the class. I have no earthly idea why the teacher would round that grade up. I know it was a total and utter God thing. I wasn't going to get to graduate this semester with my associates if I had gotten a D. Praise God for that! It was super encouraging to see those final grades while I was lying under my mosquito net in Leogane, Haiti. My squeals could probably be heard all over the compound.

Relationships:
Not sure on how to start this section either. It's been a rough semester relationally too. I won't go into detail, but I really learned about peoples character, and what I really need in my life right now. I learned that I let people do what they want with me and settle just because I love people so much and want to please people. I didn't care about myself, I cared more about others to an extent that really drained me and left me blindsided. When I did try to stick up for myself, I ended up being really hurt because they didn't care about what I needed in life right then with all my circumstances going on and could care less because they had selfish motives. That is one thing I've really learned about people: it's all about number one, even within Christians, that selfish mindset is ever so present. Haiti really changed my whole mind set on this issue... But we will discuss that more in detail later.

Family:
I gained so much new family this semester. I am so blessed, and even though my emotions have been on a loop-d-loop rollercoster, I realize now that I am so blessed. Who else can say they have 5 full fledged families that love them? It's crazy, but I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened and that in due time it will all be processed in my mind and make sense. Please pray that I will have peace about the decisions I am going to have to be making soon about things in this area.

Horses:
Horses have been on the backburner unfortunately. Still have all 4, but they are spread out. Naz is at grandpa allens, Darcy is in Fayetteville at a prospective buyers, and psyche and clusie are at home. My direction right now with them is to bring Darcy home, get him going again, sell him. Then get naz back on track with his back problems so kids can start riding him. Psyche, our love, just to get him back in shape so we can train for dressage, western pleasure, and barrels. I really want to try barrels with him, I really think he would have fun with it with his spiritedness. Maybe try Darcy out with them too. D is 16.2hh, and he has really good ground cover. We'll see... I really miss horses and am sad that all of this has kept me from them this semester. But God has given me a huge gift of a few of my new family members loving horses, so when I found that out it was just another reassurance that God is all up in this situation :)

Conclusion: this semester had been the roughest time of my life, but when God gives you trials and tough times, he is the strength you need :) he wants to be glorified, and if you do that, it will give you the joy that will be a bright spot in your darkest times. Love you all, I'll post later about Haiti trip.

-Bri

I am trying to update my blog background, but blogger is being mean to me.. so for now, blank background. Boo.

So I've been busy since I last blogged with life. Lots has been going on. Finished this semester out with:

Data Modeling: A

Total Fit: A

Golf: A

Intro Programming: B (yaay! PTL)

Net Client Support: B

Biology: C

So overall, I am happy. God has blessed me with great grades, and I was so nervous there for awhile.

I am going to start my internship @ AOG on Monday. That should be interesting.

Ok, just wanted to update a tad on here, now I am going to get off.

Oh, also, Darcy is going to a new home on June 5th. Bittersweet.

-Bri

Rise up to the Occasion that is Your LIFE

So I just had a sappy moment. A humbling moment.

Well, a few actually.

I just watched "500 Days of Summer". I don't know how that movie triggered so many emotions in me. It did trigger quite a few though; loneliness, dissapointment, abandonment, forgetfulness, love, the opposite of peace, what it is like without God,

that last one really got me choked up.

Until you think about life without God, things seem so normal. Then it hits you; wow, God really did not have to be available to us. He could have abandoned us, left us, dissapointed us, forgotten about us. But he is God. He loves us so much. It gave me so much hope, but then again gave me a burden and sadness because of all the people that I know personally and not personally that do not know about His love and what God and the Bible is really about.

I've been dwelling in the past. Tonight, today rather, has awoken a new life. I am ready to go forth and make disciples, to go forth and share the hope that is our God. Ready to rise up to the occasion of this Life that he has given to me, with mercy grace and love.

My prayer today is that God will give me the strength, courage, will, hope, determination to go and make disciples and to tell people about Him. That he would continually provide for this Canada mission trip. That he would work out the kinks in the trip, that we would be a blessing to the Hilton family. I pray that He would show me, guide me, in the direction that He would have me go in life. I know my main purpose, but I do not know what avenue He would like me to go and fulfill that purpose in. Thanks Lord, for all that you are, and thank you for continually amazing me. I love you.

Ever been in a freakishly sad mood?

That's what I have been going through today. Lots of stuff on my mind and I wish I could just get happy. That is hard to do when a heart has been stomped on. Got some text messages today that rocked my world in a bad way. Nothing is ever as it seems, no one is authentic as they try to be, and best friends are NOT 'till the very end'.

Ok, don't read this post if you are not in the mood for me ranting about people. It's not going to be a happy post, I'll warn you that up front.

Actually, I am just too sad to write anything right now. Two heartbreaks in one year is too much for my fragile heart to take. I'm done. I'm out of here, and done with the people that perpetually keep hurting me, intentionally or not, I can't take it anymore. I have lost all of my best friends except 2, one is in Texas and doesn't want to talk on the phone for more than a minute with me because he is too busy with his life and we have lost touch (that's fine, that happens in life, it's just sad), and my other one works 24/7 and we just don't have schedules that match up. So I am friendless (especially after today), jobless (applying at some places though), and soon to be homeless. This is great. Praying for the Lord to show me what the heck to do.

Ok, I'm done.

Mucho Amore,

Bri