Sleepless...

When people said while I was pregnant that I needed to enjoy my me time and sleep, I really should have listened. Having a baby takes that all away. I miss sleep. I miss long naps. I miss being able to take a shower without having to worry about a screaming human being.

But.

It's worth it. Parker is awesome, such a good baby and so advanced already for his age. Love our baby boy, but really dislike these nights of sleeplessness.

Love you Parker.

Welcome to the family...

Parker.

Parker Isaac Allen Hughes. Believe me, we tried to pick just one name for the middle. Wasn't happening.

Parker was 8 lbs, 21 inches. He is so perfect, it's almost not real.

I haven't been around alot of babies, but everyone tells me he is the most perfect they've seen. His complexion and features right from birth were perfect to me. I'm sure I'm biased though.

I never knew how much I'd love this kid. As soon as they showed him to me, dancing him out of my belly, I had more love then I knew what to do with. 

March 16th, 2014, our plans for a natural birth were altered. I had been in labor since Thursday night (13th), and in active labor since the 16th at 2am. He came via Caesarian section because as of 9pm, I was not dilating past a 6. I had been at a six since 3pm. He was stuck, and it was more pain laboring through a transition than I'd ever felt with anything. Determined not to have pain meds, at that point I was wore out. But once we had the c section talk with dr laws, 9:00 was here and we were rolling into the OR. Kelly was sent with me, donned in scrubs and the cutest hat you'll ever see (pix below ). I was trying not to hyperventilate. We had a blessing from God, her name was Emily. Emily was the best anesthesiologist around. My doula Jodie, who had been there through everything, said she was a Godsend. She was. Emily made me calm, and when she put the spinal block in, I barely felt anything. Praise God. Once they started, it was the most surreal thing I'd ever seen felt or heard. I could feel the pulling and tugging of the instruments, and I could here the clipping/etc (won't go into details...)

Once he was out though, all worth it. They danced him out of my belly and lowered the curtain so I could see just him. Kelly and Emily kept me calm through the whole thing also, so I was not hysterical evaluate of the noises or tugs I was feeling. God helped me through it, and I will be forever grateful. 

Once done with that, they held him to my cheek once he was cleaned up. I will never forget the soft cheek against mine and what that sweet baby felt like. No other feeling in the world can beat that one. Kelly was then able to take him out to the waiting room to show everyone. Mom said he was so proud, and looked like a daddy. He is such a great daddy. Kelly said he felt instant love wash over him too as soon as he saw them dance Parker out of my belly. So cool.

Once out of the OR, I had the shakes and itching sensation that is normal with the anesthesia. They sent me back to a room, and one by one I got to see everyone. Finally, I got to go to my real room, and then we were able to get Parker back. At that time he did not have a name, and it took us up until the last day to decide on his name. Parker was so perfect for him though, it fits his face for some reason. Isaac means laughter, and I could not leave that out because of the laughter I felt when I found out I was having him, and at the end when nothing went right ( well, so I thought according to "my" plans, not Gods). God showed me through this that I need to be like Abraham, giving up everything, even my son, to him so he can work in powerful ways. Thank you God for my wonderful baby. I just finished nursing him, and never in a million years did I ever think I'd be a mom; but it is the best occupation I have or will ever have.

Waiting game..

Well, no baby yet. Almost 2 weeks since due date, and dr is trying to get me to induce. Setting an induce date for next Monday we think; he had me scheduled for last night, but we did not have a peace about it. 

Will post again hopefully this weekend after baby is here... Crossing fingers. 

Sleepless.

Sleepless nights. Constant stress. Panic attacks. Angry and violent people. Excruciating pelvic pain. Locked doors. Fear. This is our life this week.

God has a plan though; he will provide a place and way for us. I have faith and have decided to not worry about it; even when we are feeling our most vulnerable and weak and in the eyes of a predator. God is in control. Always. My faith in that statement is being tested though this weekend and week. I know Kelly is struggling as well. I needed to type this somewhere to verbally state that I do believe God is in control. The devil can leave us alone, in Jesus name. Please pray for our small family as we wade through some tough environments and decisions in this season of our life.

On top of that, no baby yet. Ready for him to get here.

-B

Dear Baby Boy..

So, did I mention last post that I was very very prego? :) wellll, No-Name Hughes is due March 3rd.. I guess I should say "was due". He has decided he likes it in my tummy much more than coming out to see me on the outside. I don't blame him though, from what I've read, labor is hard on both moms and babies. All of the stress that comes along with being pushed out of a small opening must be hard to accept (sorry if that's too, erm, "gross". But this is real life!;)

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Pregnancy has not treated me well so far little one. But you are worth it. Just to give you an idea though (and so I can whine about it ;), here's a list of pain I have gone through: feet swelling, 7-8 straight months of nausea at random times of the day (mostly in the AM making surviving getting around and ready for work difficult), back pain, unexplainable pelvic pain, and Socratic nerve pain so terrible I could not walk (I thought you were going to make an early entrance-- but it's been very much the opposite case!). But like I said, oh so worth it. 

Right now, you don't have a name in my mind. Everyone has been calling you Parker (Allen Hughes), but I just have to see what you look like first before I decide. Isaac is another name I love, it means laughter. I also love that Isaac in the bible was used as a symbol of his dads obedience to God. 

I wonder if you will have blonde, brown, or red hair? I had red hair as a baby when I was born, and Kelly was bright blonde for a long time. As for eye color, even if your eyes are blue when you are born, I bet they will turn green eventually. Your dad's eyes are the prettiest green, and mine changed from blue to green all growing up, but now they are a solid green most of the time. 

Right now you are moving on my right side, kicking at the top and bottom of my stomach. Guess you are stretching. Seems at night that you like to wake up around 12 and then 4:30am when I go to bed at our normal time of 8:30pm. Tonight though I couldn't sleep. I had a terrible migraine earlier today and had a nap, so now I'm wide awake. You do like to move though, and that will be your dads and my most missed part of pregnancy. Feeling and watching you move around in my now quite large belly. Ill have to show you the terrible stretch marks you caused me when you get older, so you can see how big it really was ;)

Your dad is snoozing right now, but tonight before he went to bed (like most nights) he talked to you in my belly and told you that he loved you and said to hurry up and get here. He loves you so much, we both do, and he is so excited to have a buddy around to ride fourwheelers/tractors/horses with. And if you decide you don't like doing those things, that's ok too- we cannot wait to see what type of hobbies and interests you end up discovering.

Ok, my letter/note is done for now. Will try and sleep, and not to be too anxious for you to come. You have been moving and active the whole time I've been writing this. I will definitely miss the feeling of little kicks and stretches with me at all times.

Love,

Your Mom

This was supposed to be published a year ago...

Hah! I found this on my drafts area when I was going to revive my blog today... Well, lots has changed since then. Will post about that later, but publishing now the post that was meant for 2-2-13 ;)

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2-2-13:

Welll.... I cannot believe I have not posted since last March!!! I feel like a different person from who posted last. I have changed so much in such a short amount of time, and so has my life.
I got Married!!!

Shortly after that last blog post, after giving everything to God, He brought me a wonderful man named Kelly. Kelly loves God, loves horses, and loves family. He is the perfect match for me, and I cannot believe we are married... it still blows my mind. Just a quick update, post more later. Here are a few pics to commemorate! (Photo cred to my awesomely talented friend Hannah Jay)

Let's Gooo Fly a Kite... Up to the Highest Height...

So this has been a crazy ride. These past two weeks I've been thrown more stuff to deal with. Won't talk about it here, too public, but prayer would be appreciated. Trying to figure stuff out and do what is best for me. Not ever sure what that is..

On a happy note (because I started off with a sad note- sorry!), I've been learning lots of new stuff lately. Working with art, learning more about God, and most of all learning what I actually like and don't like. For the longest time I think I've forgotten who I am and what I like. I feel like Julia Roberts when she plays Maggie in 'Runaway Bride'. Every guy she is with, she just adapts to what his interests are... and how he likes his eggs cooked. She'd never made up her mind what she actually liked, because she always let others make decisions for her. I've been doing that for the past 6 ish months or so I'd say, and I've been too stressed to do what would make me happy. I worry too much about what others think and how I can please them. Balance needs to be achieved. Here are some things I've decided I like and don't like:

1. I don't like... Mean sarcasm- you know, the kind that after they say it, they always say "ohh that was just a joke! You know I'm kidding..." when secretly you know they probably had truth behind it. I always thought I liked it, but I am actually not too fond of it. I'm tired of it I guess..

2. I don't like... Computers. I actually don't like working with computers. I've always had the idea that I did, but looking back on how unhappy I have been in school these past two years (after I've already gotten my degree...), I realize that I don't like them. I'm not good at it. Why'd I do tihs? Well, I know why, but let's not go there...

3. I love... horses- and I let a guy steer me away from them and talk me out of spending quality time with them so I would spend time on him instead. Wrong decision on my part to agree to that. Stress can lead a person to do things they wouldn't normally do I guess.

4. I like... myself. I actually like spending time with just myself. I like going up to the lookout, with my bible, and just hanging out with myself and God. I had forgotten that part of me.

5. I'm ok with... the way I look finally. I'm excited about loosing weight to I can be healthy. I like being healthy. It makes me feel good. I like running (slow), I like bike riding (not too far), and I like working out (not for more than an hour ;). I like tanning. I even like my stomach shrinking so I can get that belly ring I've been wanting for months now (:D) I know that is weird, but face it and embrace it: I'm weird.

6. I don't like... gossip. Being made felt to be invisible. Being hated. Finding out who my true friends are lately, and it sucks to see people keep being mean when you've done nothing wrong to them :(

7. I don't like... confrontation. At all. I have learned that I am truly a peacemaker at heart, and when I try and make peace with people who don't want to make peace with me, it hurts my heart more than anything I've ever felt before. I have never felt such excruciating pain.

8. I love... taking care of things and being a nurturing person. I love watching things grow, I love teaching people and animals how to do something, and I love puppies. I miss dogs, I miss having a dog, and I want one. Now. Praying that God would either quench my puppy craving with someone else getting one that I can play with all the time or me myself getting one.

9. I love... caring. I love it when I invest in someone's life, and they return the favor and care about me as well. It's never been mandatory for me, I love pouring into people anyways, but when someone takes the time out of their schedule and life to invest in mine, it makes my heart smile. I'm blessed that I have people that do that for me and really love me.

10. I love... laughter. Over the past few months, I'd lost it. I don't know where it went. I guess when you get seriously sad about life in general, the laughing normally goes away too. I'd lost that part of myself, and now it's returning.

I think I'll stop at my favorite number ten. OH, btw, my favorite way to have my eggs cooked you might ask? Scrambled.... Definiltey scrambled.


-B