Oh happy day

Just returned from our adventure in Fairfield Bay AR. .... ..


Was pretty much amazing. Had the time of my life with my besties.

I am not as depressed as I was in that last post..
I apologize for that. Oops. Oh well, no regrets right?


So we went tubing, kneeboarding, cliff jumping, movie watching, swimming, hot tubing, basketball playing (me and trev beat ethan and archie whoohoo!) and trail hiking this week.

I am so sore that this morning and yesterday I could not move. I have bruises everywhere! But it was oh so worth it!

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I am now chillin and going to get on my to-do list tomorrow before we leave for Florida. Also, trail riding tomorrow with Hannah... that will be fun, I haven't riden a horse in goodness knows when.

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Ok, just thought I'd post a short whatever about my week. It was awesome. Not much else can sum it up like the word "awesome".


Peace out

By the way, I made it through the day

It's so ironic, is it not? This life that I have created for myself.. something I always told myself would happen, but now it is here. I don't want it to be here. I want it to go away. Expecially this feeling...

Feelings.
Feelings are so prinkley. Why did God choose to give us these contrary things that make us go insane?

Don't answer that. I already know the answer. I just don't want there to be an answer sometimes...

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On a more realistic note, today was relatively good. I made it through the day, as my lyrically inclined status states. I am mentally just not where I should be right now though.. I wish it were all butterflies and rainbows. It really did used to be that way. Now I am just... I don't even know if there is a word or phrase that can explain it fully or even partially.


I don't know why I am posting this here. I just opened it and started writing. No one reads this anyways. I guess I can just look back on this to remind myself of how aweful I felt. How this feeling feels...

I almost died today. I almost got hit by lightning. Almost. Almost seems to be a word that is used a lot when talking about me and happenings that involve me. I am the "almost" child. "Almost" successful. "Almost" finished. "Almost" an 'A'. Not quite all there. Never enough. Sometimes I wish I would just totally fail at something, or totally rock at something. Mediocracy is not pleasant. Even when I do succeed at something, it feels as though I don't even deserve that. Why?

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Briana, listen to me. When you re read this, remember this. People suck. I suck. No one is perfect. Even though you have heard that cliche phrase so many times over, it is still true. Doesn't make it right though. Strive for perfection. Please, please do. You will hate yourself if you don't, even though you know you will never perfect it. Just try. This is all I ask of you (myself). Try for it, and do what GOD wants you to do, not anyone else. I know you are scared. I know life is tough. I know relationships fail and let you down, and you let them down too. But still try. It's worth it. Atleast that's what it says in the good book, right?

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Why am I so depressed tonight? I think it's because I watched this stupid movie called "Love Story" and it really stunk. It was about this couple who fell in love and then she died in the end from a blood disease. They didn't even try to cure it. They just accepted that she was dieing and they let her. Sad, is it not...

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What do I want to do? I wish someone would just tell me... oh wait. They already did. Look where that's got me...

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These lyrics are with me today...
"I still hold on to the letters you returned, I swear I've lived and learned... It's 4:03 and I can't sleep...the only thing that I still believe in is you, if you only knew.... If you only knew how many times I counted all the words that went wrong, if you only knew how I refuse to let you go even when you're gone..."

"Tell my mother, tell my father, I've done the best I can. To make them realise, this is my life, I hope they understand... I'm not angry, I'm just saying.. sometimes goodbye is a second chance."