Let's Gooo Fly a Kite... Up to the Highest Height...

So this has been a crazy ride. These past two weeks I've been thrown more stuff to deal with. Won't talk about it here, too public, but prayer would be appreciated. Trying to figure stuff out and do what is best for me. Not ever sure what that is..

On a happy note (because I started off with a sad note- sorry!), I've been learning lots of new stuff lately. Working with art, learning more about God, and most of all learning what I actually like and don't like. For the longest time I think I've forgotten who I am and what I like. I feel like Julia Roberts when she plays Maggie in 'Runaway Bride'. Every guy she is with, she just adapts to what his interests are... and how he likes his eggs cooked. She'd never made up her mind what she actually liked, because she always let others make decisions for her. I've been doing that for the past 6 ish months or so I'd say, and I've been too stressed to do what would make me happy. I worry too much about what others think and how I can please them. Balance needs to be achieved. Here are some things I've decided I like and don't like:

1. I don't like... Mean sarcasm- you know, the kind that after they say it, they always say "ohh that was just a joke! You know I'm kidding..." when secretly you know they probably had truth behind it. I always thought I liked it, but I am actually not too fond of it. I'm tired of it I guess..

2. I don't like... Computers. I actually don't like working with computers. I've always had the idea that I did, but looking back on how unhappy I have been in school these past two years (after I've already gotten my degree...), I realize that I don't like them. I'm not good at it. Why'd I do tihs? Well, I know why, but let's not go there...

3. I love... horses- and I let a guy steer me away from them and talk me out of spending quality time with them so I would spend time on him instead. Wrong decision on my part to agree to that. Stress can lead a person to do things they wouldn't normally do I guess.

4. I like... myself. I actually like spending time with just myself. I like going up to the lookout, with my bible, and just hanging out with myself and God. I had forgotten that part of me.

5. I'm ok with... the way I look finally. I'm excited about loosing weight to I can be healthy. I like being healthy. It makes me feel good. I like running (slow), I like bike riding (not too far), and I like working out (not for more than an hour ;). I like tanning. I even like my stomach shrinking so I can get that belly ring I've been wanting for months now (:D) I know that is weird, but face it and embrace it: I'm weird.

6. I don't like... gossip. Being made felt to be invisible. Being hated. Finding out who my true friends are lately, and it sucks to see people keep being mean when you've done nothing wrong to them :(

7. I don't like... confrontation. At all. I have learned that I am truly a peacemaker at heart, and when I try and make peace with people who don't want to make peace with me, it hurts my heart more than anything I've ever felt before. I have never felt such excruciating pain.

8. I love... taking care of things and being a nurturing person. I love watching things grow, I love teaching people and animals how to do something, and I love puppies. I miss dogs, I miss having a dog, and I want one. Now. Praying that God would either quench my puppy craving with someone else getting one that I can play with all the time or me myself getting one.

9. I love... caring. I love it when I invest in someone's life, and they return the favor and care about me as well. It's never been mandatory for me, I love pouring into people anyways, but when someone takes the time out of their schedule and life to invest in mine, it makes my heart smile. I'm blessed that I have people that do that for me and really love me.

10. I love... laughter. Over the past few months, I'd lost it. I don't know where it went. I guess when you get seriously sad about life in general, the laughing normally goes away too. I'd lost that part of myself, and now it's returning.

I think I'll stop at my favorite number ten. OH, btw, my favorite way to have my eggs cooked you might ask? Scrambled.... Definiltey scrambled.


-B

God's Majesty..

Sitting here in my little blue mini Cooper named francisco, windows down, seat back. It is going to storm tonight, and I am fully enjoying the calm before the storm. The wind is majestically blowing everywhere, and I'm not caring about my hair for once. God has shown me again that he is in control. If I really want to live out what I preach, I've gotta let it all go. Everything. That's hard for a control freak like me. But tonights message made it clear that once I'm saved, he actually lives inside of me. Inhabits me. Dwells inside of my being. So mind blowingly awesome. I don't even know how to describe it. In awe.... Lord please help me keep this longing for you ever growing and constantly a part of my daily life. I love you and want to learn more about you. I need you. I am nothing without you. Thank you.
In awe...

Twitterpated

I think I'm getting addicted to twitter. It's fun. You should try it and follow me @thelovelylime ... Fo realz.

On the serious side, went to pick up Mr. Darcy in NWA tonight with Trev and Chris. While we were up there, Mason planned to propose to Taylor and we got to be apart of it. Pretty awesome!

Got home and got to watch Justin Bieber the movie. Love that movie. I know that's weird, but if you haven't seen it then you can't judge. Gotta atleast give it a chance. It made me a bieliber.

Watching that movie made me pretty stoked for what God has planned for me. I want to change the world. Idk how I'm gonna do that, but I really want to make a difference somewhere in a big way. Going to keep praying that he enables me to do so. Gotta get over my fear of public speaking when it comes to God stuff and just trust that he will speak through me. Gotta keep praying about it. If you are reading this, please pray with me about it too. I've been feeling lately that God really wants me to give my testimony in front of people in a speaking setting. I really wish it could be just all women when I give it, but I know that's probably not possible. Going to have to pray that he gives me courage to tell the truth in love and not be afraid of what people will say or think about my situation and my messed up life.

Ok, I'm wiped out, long day! Just thought I'd write what was on my heart, it's on my iPhone so I'm sorry if there are spelling or grammar errors!

Much love,
Bri

SO STINKIN BLESSED!

So.... I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks!!!

WOOOHOOOO

Um. I'm excited. I'm stoked. My waist is smaller. My skinny jeans are on the verge of fitting. Life is GOOD!

So, on that wonderfully happy note, let's talk about what GOD is doing in my life lately. Because I know you wanna read about that ;)

1. The JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH!!
I never realized how much this phrase has meant to me until this trial in my life. It seriously puts things in perspective. If I have the Joy of the Lord, that's all the strength I need! I Know he is going to get me through whatever I am going through, because He promises to do so!

2. Healing is in HIS hands!
Healing is coming like it has never been seen in my life before. On so many different levels. I won't post for the whole world to see, but I am being healed. I was prayed over, I was spoken over, it is crazy the things that have been happening in my life. I've never felt so good physically, which is such a blessing and an answered prayer. I am able to not be afraid when people touch me anymore. Such a God thing!

3. He makes Beauty out of Ashes!
This was spoken over me by my aunt, it is such a cool story, and it gave me goosebumps and made me bawl when she told me. So, the night before I left for my mission trip to Haiti, I broke up with my boyfriend. We were pretty serious, atleast I thought we were and he said we were, but God was telling me to end it because of things he was doing in our relationship that were not healthy or biblical to me. Well, that night after I had broken up with him, I was devastated. I don't think I've cried like that since I tore my ACL (in my knee). My physical and emotional pain were parallel, I could not tell one from the other. My heart was literally broke. At 4AM that night, I remember what I was doing. I was in and out of sleep, and I had just woken up and started crying again. I was questioning going to Haiti, and the devil was attacking me really hard. My Aunt told me after I had gotten back from Haiti that the same night at exactly 4 am God woke her up and said "Start praying for Briana". So, she prayed and prayed, fighting for me spiritually, and I thought that was just the coolest most amazing thing that God has ever done for me. Who knew, that in my lowest and weakest moment, that God was watching out for me and knew that I needed someone interceeding in prayer for me?? And then later, when I was back from Haiti having another terrible week because I did not want to be back in the states to face my screwed up life, that He put that in my life to encourage me and let me know that HE is still in control and loves me so much. It has strenthened and deepend my faith. I am so thankful. After she told me that, she also said that He gave her something to tell me, "God is going to make Beauty out of the Ashes of your life- He knows what He is doing, and He is going to make your life beautiful with these ashes you were handed to begin with".... it made me bawl. So awesome. And I got to looking, and there is a bible verse that has that in it as well-

Isaiah 61:3
"³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

So awesome!!!! I just am so amazed and humbled lately at what God is doing in our lives.


4. Forgiveness is mandatory, not optional, in every situation!
So, I'll be honest: my biggest sin in life is not giving forgiveness. I've struggled with it all my life, ever since my parents got divorced, all the way up until now when I found out that my father was not my biological father and that there was a whole new family that wanted to know me. In the bible, it says that those who do not forgive won't be forgiven by God. That's a pretty heavy statement. I never realized how big forgiveness was to God until this year. But it makes total sense. How can we, total sinners, be good enough to not forgive people when God sent his ONLY son, Jesus, to die and come back to life for all of our terrible sins?? I am a sinner. So how can I not forgive someone when I am just as bad as them in the long run? So that's another huge lesson lately, just forgive and move on- but learn from yours and others mistakes and make the best of the situations you are in and have been dealt- because they are for a reason and can be for Glorifying God when we let them and make ourselves available and interruptable for the gospels sake. That leads me to my next lesson of the year....

5. BE INTERUPPTABLE!
In the New Testament, Jesus was interupted most of the time that he was trying to go someplace or heal someone. He was always interrupted! He actually got frustrated a couple of times it seems like, but he would always make time for the people who were inturrupting them. How many times out of our day do we say "Oh... I so would, but I've got to do this! ". For example, after bible study, I am always in a hurry to get out of there because it's late. I can't believe I am telling you this, but honestly, there have been times where I have avoided conversations that could have led into ones that were God honoring and placed there by God because I was too much in a hurry and wanted to be on "my time". How many times during the day do we miss opportunities because we are not "interruptable"? I've been really trying to slow down, look around at the lost people, and pay attention to the 'gospel starving' people around that would love a good Jesus conversation, or just need to be plain loved on. I challenge you to do the same. It's really cool the people you get to talk to and how much joy it gives you by doing and being available to God 24/7 and not just when it's 'convenient' for me.

Ok, that's it for now, but I am so glad I wrote all that down!! I have a really bad memory lately because of the stress I am under, so writing it down and just getting it out helps me process and remember. I hope if you read this that you are challenged as well and are encouraged! Because we do serve a God who cares... all the way from the small and mundane things of our lives up to the huge and life changing thigns going on as well.

Love you guys,
Briana

Living with consequences...

So, I wrote this the other day on here but wasn't sure if I should post it. I think I should though, because it shows my real self, and how Christian relationships can go when God isn't the center of them. Please don't judge me after reading this. It's just an honest rant. And you should also know that since writing this, the guy being talked about has called and tearily apologized for all the terrible stuff he had put me through, and God is doing amazing works in his life. I so care about this individual and want whats best for him, and I want God to totally freak him out an blow his mind with what only our God can do!! I'm so excited what God is gonna do in his life...

Disclaimer: the following post is filled with brash opinion, ranting tangents, and non relevant information. Please proceed with caution, the author is not responsible for lost brain cells or wasted time. You have been warned...


Ever have that feeling where you just know you are starting one of these "avoid these people at all costs because they hate you" lists? well, I just had that experience and now have a list that is quite similar to that. I really wish people would grow up, treat others with respect, and just plain love Jesus and love people.

I know I've made some stupid mistakes In the past, and more specifically in the past few months, but I know that now and am paying for the consequences. I should have known that the gut feeling of "she is trouble, maybe he isn't quite over her like he promised a million times he was" was one to pay attention to. I was wrong. And now I'm living with the consequences of someone ripping out my insides and throwing them on the ground while he walks over them with flippant Facebook posts referring to said girl and how he never will quit fighting for her.
Also love how this post will be public. Good thing no one reads this. Or let's hope that's the case. I'm past the point of caring honestly. I speak my mind lately in a God loving manner, and I thoroughly enjoy it.

Anyways, back to the consequences and lessons I've learned.

When someone tells you that you are "the one", goes on dinner dates with your dad to get approval, tells you how God is all up in and around the relationship, how he knows God wants you together, and talks about your future together and your future kids etc... don't listen to it. Until a ring is on that finger, don't play into the lies. Just don't. I know it will be tempting, the words probably are coming out of his mouth like butter on a hot biscuit, but don't do it. Guard needs to be kept up. At all times.
And when he starts getting defensive about you having his phone, never letting you read over his shoulder, be worried. He is hiding something.

My favorite one is when he says he is going to try his hardest to hang out with you before you leave for Haiti because he claimed to be sick the night before when he had said he was going to come over then... But then you get a text saying he knows you are going to be mad about this but he wants to hang out with said girl instead (refer to first paragraph rant) even though his girlfriend (that's you) is leaving the country and won't see him for about 2 and a half weeks. He will try to make the excuse of "well I promised her first that I would hang out with her"... This was before last night, when he told you that he would try his hardest to be not sick to hang out with you this night before you leave. For you blondes out there, that means he lied and hid it from you. Awesome huh? Oh, and for kicks, he is planning on going to go to a 10:30 movie with said girl.... Alone.

Rule of having a girlfriend- especially in a God pursuing and God loving way: I don't care who you are, you need permission to go out alone with another girl. Especially one you used to be in love with. Especially especially when your current girlfriend had specifically asked at the beginning of the relationship that said boyfriend would keep that friendship to a minimum because it hurt her heart the way he had picked the other girl over her the semester before.
Alert: if this has happened to you, douche move has been played. You officially have been downgraded on the list of said douches priorities. Abandon ship. Cut losses. Because the next step is called physical cheating my friends... That stage was a mere emotional cheating. Honestly not sure which one sucks more...

Ah that felt good :) I am soo in love with my savior, and if a guy is so caught up in himself that he doesn't do what is right in Gods eyes, then why waste my time? Time is so precious. I've learned lately that in the end, family is the best and closest thing you have. They are stuck with you! It's such a great feeling to know that someone isn't going to trade you in, break up with you, not care about you, etc. Family. And I am so blessed now in that department, because I just gained so many new family members... Oh lord thank you for your provisions. I love you and trust you fully, and am relying on you for every step here on out.

Ok, done Ranting :) I feel better. Love you lord :)

Getting to know you...

So, today I got to hang out with my "new" grandma and aunts... We went to Conway to shop and just hang out. I love getting to know them better, and when I am with them I am learning new stuff all of the time.
Then when I got home, I was going to go get some hay for the horses, but ended up going out to eat with mom dad and Madison at lahuertas. It was good... Chris texted me though when we were on our way saying he was going to be there at 7 if I wanted to go. Thought that was funny, ended up not going there though and just taking a nap. Then I went bowling with him and we decided that this year is the year of kayaking!!! I'm so excited to get back on the bandwagon and start my new life of energy and relaxation through enjoying gods creation of the outdoors :) this year I am going to kayak, hike, bike, horse ride, and run. Hoping to get fit enough to do a 5k by July 4th... Would love that.
On a side note, on the way home from conway we talked about spring break or summer trip to colorado with grandma to spend some time getting to know everyone. I think that would be good.
Ok, just a lil update, much love
-Bri

A Year of New

Happy new year!! I am so blessed. I love my friends and family and my God.
Spent the new years eve with Brandon Sam Jeff Laura Aspen Beth Latasha Beau and Emily. We played games ate pizza and then went to the lookout at Chaffee to toast the new year and watch fireworks... It was great :)

God is going to use this new year for his glory and I'm so excited!!!